On my own

Isabel and the kids left for a few days. I miss them before they were gone. My baby, through the glass, aimed at my image. It's an image I can't forget, him in the car trying desperately to open the door for me.
This represents the perfect opportunity for me to see how life can be without them, how to adapt and survive on my own. I am the sole provider home, and there won't be any food cooked when I get home. There won't be for days, a teenage headache, a nagging woman, a crying baby late into the wee hours of night. Yesterday, I wanted to go and meet with my cousins in order to go to a friend of ours' birthdate. But then it rained, and then my cousin had completely forgotten about it and I found myself walking home under a cold persistent rain. Winter nights, seasonal moodiness, loneliness and solitude awaiting me home. I managed well the first night; I slept soundly on Vangelis' bed, talking to strangers on the web, drinking, smoking a cigar, and not a single complaint. It was so lovely, I almost did not miss going out and mingling which I will get to do in the upcoming weekend days.
I have been thinking and rethinking my approach, easing my deeply rooted fears of abandonment and rejection. In the process, I’ve failed to see that though I have made undeniable progress that is not my mission. I need to define myself and set some attainable goals, work harder than I have up to now and unravel unto the next level. Commitment, a clear sense of purpose, a moment of leisure here and there… I must somehow make all of the pieces fall into place and at the same time never be complete. The idea is to start all over again from the very beginning and be better than the day before and much better still the following day. But I’m not even close, this is a time of reflection and relaxation, a time to spend time with and by myself and why not indulge in some mindless activities as well. Tonight like every other night from here on will be an endless celebration. I will call everyone, meet with whoever wants to meet, be what I want to be, explore new places, make new contacts, live completely immersed in the moment and experience the life in front of me.