Street fight

I am writing at a child’s pace in this computer and it is so frustrating. First, my computer is not as fast ever since the virus program expired and I decided to procrastinate on getting a new one. The result is that it was gradually eaten away by virus. Not to mention the fact that my hands were rendered useless for the time being, given that I engaged into a street fight with a bully. The guy deserved what he got. I turned down the opportunity, as I am more inclined to carnal avowals than physical manifestations of fear. Yes, I didn’t want to fight him and given his insistence, I knew I had to confront him. I didn’t want to do it at the place I was, because it happens to be one of my favorite joints and if I am caught into a fight I would be expelled from there. So, I walked away from the place and teased him, leading him to the open street. To make things in my favorite, I finally agreed to fight him facing in the direction that cars are coming. This would constitute a distraction for him. If he would have been smart he would have moved to the sidewalk but I had him right where I wanted him. It is not a new tactic. It worked wonders for me. My opponent was physically strong even though shorter in stature than me. So that also worked in my favor. He had to be alarmed at the idea that a car might come behind him, so when he briefly turned around to see if there were any cars, I unleashed in a single punch all of my might. He felt with a single devastating punch to the jaw (not that I punched him when he looked away; I waited to the nanosecond in which he faced me again so that the force was still more potent), and as soon as he wanted to make his way up, I kicked him. I let him up as I pretended to leave, only to turn back again and missed him slightly with my right. But I soon followed with my left and he felt for a second time. It was all over for him. Two bouncers from a nearby club stopped us. If not, he would have gotten worse. One of the bouncers picked up my cell phone which I dropped at the start of the altercation. In the rush of the moment, I demanded for him to give me my cell back. He said, "Who are you talking to in that tone of voice?" I soon came down and thanked him for having picked up my cell. There was no way I wanted that particular fight!

Back in touch with Claudia

At the time, in Kana, I was thrilled to have coincided with Claudia. What amazed me was my approach to the whole ordeal. I didn’t even have a chance to plan anything, I was there and she was right in front of me. As if I had seen her the night before, I hardly waved her way with a light smile and confidently made my way through. Then I took Dalida out to dance. I was bumping against her and I felt empowered by the commotion that surrounded the loud conversation and laughs that came from Claudia’s camp. Shortly after, I asked Jorge to let me deejay and he acceded. I screw up briefly but I don’t think many people notice my novice attempt. Then I went up to her and took her to dance. I am not sure if this was the correct order of the events. I was downing beer after beer. Now the day is dragging and the feeling of plenitude that I experienced that night has finally waned. At the time, I was a god and now I’m just another mortal overcome by anxiety who doesn’t seem able to come up with two fair sentences of the whole thing. That’s to show that certain things are not waiting around forever. I should have written about this right there and then. Now my mind is somewhere else. Oh, well. Let’s stick to the script.
I asked her to dance not long after I had danced and deejay. As we were dancing, I remember fragments of our conversations. I know I opened my mouth and said I had been published. The same mistake I had done with Dalida. But with Dalida, and her condition of a friend, it’s not quite as bad. So, there, I said it. In fact, I have used my only poem up to date as an excuse to gather all of my friends and have a blast. What good is art if you can’t use it as an excuse to party and go wild with the ones you love? She asked me about Paola and I said honestly that I didn’t know since I hadn’t seen my sister. I should have kept the conversation casual. I should have said simply that my sister is okay, thanks for asking. I should have kept my focus on her. What I did, though, was tell her I will give her a call and then faking a memorizing process asked if her number was still so and so. I have memorized her number but I have also been afraid of having made a numerical error in the memorizing of it. In fact, part of telling her whether that was her number or not was to make sure that it actually was. She was impressed. I didn’t call her in a very long time and here I was reciting her number with her area code in its entirety. I dropped her cordially after that dance. After a while, I came around and asked her to dance once again. And yet again, she accepted.
I got a cell-phone, finally, the other day. Among the first to receive a text-message from me was Claudia. Three weeks and a half had passed since that fateful night in Kana. The text-message read: “Thanks for the dance. I will call you soon.” She called me a while after. I was at the time celebrating a wedding on a Tuesday night. I said I was at a party and she derided at the idea of a party on a Tuesday. Clever girl, nothing escapes her perspicacity. I asked her if she would be attending my party of celebration for the publication of one of many other poems to come. She said that I should let her know and that “you know I will make all that is possible to be there.”

Boy, did I have fun! (part one)

Lately I find myself having so much fun it’s really hard to have a starting point. I am the sort of thrill seeker who likes to keep things in balance. The truth is that I went into Kana a couple of weeks back. I had been there with my dear Turca the night before. I realized there and then that I needed to go back on my own. I did so the very next night. To make a long story short something happened that threw my entire world into whack. That is, to say the least, in a very positive way. Well, that may be the case of me even when things don’t seem to go my way. I was there in the middle of it all and all of a sudden this girl who was sitting by the bar stood up and marched right up to me. It was Dalida.
I had met Dalida somewhere last year in a night in Kana. She cried in my arms over some jerk she calls her boyfriend. I went into this whole sermon of how we select people at the expense of ourselves until I realized that I was at the moment in a relationship where I felt as the underdog. So in finishing my relationship with Carolina I bore in mind the little prep talk I infused in Dalida. She gave me her number that night. We lost track after two fruitless phone conversations. Luckily, she recognized me. I persuaded Jorge to play some of the stuff she wanted. Jorge is possibly the one of the worst DJ’s around. He doesn’t take suggestions, he plays senseless stuff. It’s just frustrating.
As I walked back and forth, I came to a standstill. What I saw next really took my breath away.
I have met quite a few girls throughout my years in the nightlife. Kana is a place where I met some of them. As a matter of fact, I met Eda, my Turca, there too. That night I had escaped from the suffocating arms of Carolina. We had an argument and I ended up going to Kana. I must say, however, that none of them has had an impact on me as defined and long as the one Claudia had. I saw her surrounded with friends and decided that she was the most beautiful among all the beauties that night. I chose her and I danced with her all night. She gave me her number. The relationship went sour after we went out another time. That only night we had we saw Willy Colon. Tonight I saw her. The funny thing is that I think I was a bit pushy in our very brief relationship. I left her a message playing a whole song at one point and to top it off, it was four something in the morning.

...to be continued.

Honesty is the best therapy

I didn’t realize it as clearly as I have now the great truth behind the old age axiom: “Honesty is the best policy.” I think it was Cervantes who said it. But why do we tend to hide from our feelings, our dreams, even our necessities. I am not so much interested in the reason why we behave the way we do; I am much more fascinated by the alternatives. Life is always full of them.
But going back to my point: honesty does wonders. Let me just say that by honesty, I don’t condone the need to misbehave; I don’t promote selfishness either. Honesty is not about spilling your confidential guts out. We need to keep certain areas of our lives private in order to function as a healthy individual. But these areas shouldn’t be kept so if there is no real need to. For instance, if we want to go to the bathroom, we should be able to say so without needing to go into details of our intentions in there. Those are private. I can’t make it any clearer than that. Which, by the way, brings me to a referential point: we need to have an idea of what we want and pursue it every chance we get. This, of course, does not apply to everything. When it comes to dating, it’s always sane to make time apart. But before I deviate from the subject at hand, I’d say that it’s necessary to exercise some prudence in our journey to self-fulfillment when it comes to others. We must be sensible to their feelings when we want ours met. Honesty makes beauty flourish and I suspect that treacherousness doesn’t pay in the end. In meeting our expectations, we are willingly sacrificing certain means. We shouldn’t continuously fall into the habit of having our way without paying the price of it. Being honest with ourselves and others brings a sense of character and control that keeps us sane. If we are to look at people who often lack this perspective, we would see that theirs is a world of mischief and chaos where a lie is told and a chain reaction is put into effect. Now this whole business of being true to ourselves and intentions shouldn’t implicate that we surrender our secrets on demand, but rather to make a claim at sanity (did I say that too often, well, it’s never often enough!). Be sensitive to other people. In doing so, you will take that burden you carry on top of your shoulders and feel freer than before; you will save them time and you will have more time for your own projects.

Do as you please as often as you can

Recently, I was caught in a lie. How recently? About a few minutes ago. I don't know how I ended up in this place (the lie, that is, because the other place, Kana, I have a pretty sure idea of how I got there). This made me realize something: I may have hurt someone I care for and when confronted by this possibility I mechanically jumped to make sense of the pain. I feel awful. But it’s a feeling that is normal and negative feelings, for some strange genetically designed reason, don’t have a home for long in me. They do, however, make me think as to what actions I might take in order to avoid feeling this way again.
At work, we often find ourselves in lethargic states. We are told what to do or deal with individuals who don’t do as told or are constantly striving to excel while yearning for a time of leisure. Let’s face it: life is hard as it is. At times, we engage into situations we didn’t want any part of, treat ourselves like our worst enemies, and so on. It is true: to an extend, we depend on others. But when we do have time for ourselves, or when we do have a saying into the next course and action, then that should be the case. People will try to persuade you into doing their bids, manipulate you into taking a different venue, but you have the last word. So, say it! Be bold and take the honorable way out. If an inescapable circumstance comes across, like not feeling up to do what you want in certain situation, then suffer it calmly. But once that it’s over, don’t take work home. Do as you please as often as you can. Be who you are inside. And make sure that those around you get a piece of your mind. But be sensitive on your approach. Don’t burn more houses than necessary. Now, go.

Do as you please as often as you can

Recently, I was caught in a lie. How recently? About a few minutes ago. I don't know how I ended up in this place (the lie, that is, because the other place, Kana, I have a pretty sure idea of how I got there). This made me realize something: I may have hurt someone I care for and when confronted by this possibility I mechanically jumped to make sense of the pain. I feel awful. But it’s a feeling that is normal and negative feelings, for some strange genetically designed reason, don’t have a home for long in me. They do, however, make me think as to what actions I might take in order to avoid feeling this way again.
At work, we often find ourselves in lethargic states. We are told what to do or deal with individuals who don’t do as told or are constantly striving to excel while yearning for a time of leisure. Let’s face it: life is hard as it is. At times, we engage into situations we didn’t want any part of, treat ourselves like our worst enemies, and so on. It is true: to an extend, we depend on others. But when we do have time for ourselves, or when we do have a saying into the next course and action, then that should be the case. People will try to persuade you into doing their bids, manipulate you into taking a different venue, but you have the last word. So, say it! Be bold and take the honorable way out. If an inescapable circumstance comes across, like not feeling up to do what you want in certain situation, then suffer it calmly. But once that it’s over, don’t take work home. Do as you please as often as you can. Be who you are inside. And make sure that those around you get a piece of your mind. But be sensitive on your approach. Don’t burn more houses than necessary. Now, go.

Joy is brief; reminiscing takes longer.

I received the first copy of The Silent Journey. It includes a poem of mine, Perfection. It is lovely. Now I am on my way out to Kana. I still owe a written expression of the events that transpired last week. What a week it has been!

Making time apart

I was supposed to see la Turca on Saturday night. I had spent the whole morning and part of the afternoon with her until it was time for me to go to work. It was her idea to save me a trip to the Bronx. She argued we could enjoy some more time together if the uniform issue was solved. I resisted her idea initially but finally succumbed to the logic of it: why waste such a gorgeous day underground only to come back down when I was already in the city. We’re both all about sense making which in turn saves time and energy that can be used in a different light. We walked through her neighborhood to a nearby restaurant and had ourselves brunch. Then we walked through the streets until we found a fair down the road. The streets were packed with vendors exhibiting their merchandise. I met a compatriot on the seller side, and briefly exchanged phrases as Edna checked out some of the wood artifacts on sale. I bought a pair of shades with the cash I had left. I will put them on now as I finish writing this sentence. The other item I bought was a choker composed of tiny metal pieces with finely ductile inscriptions that was
slotted in and aligned through an elastic band. It didn’t survive the night. But it felt good (the empowering kind of good) to chase down a Washington Mutual to avoid the usual fee charged by the regular ATM’s. Edna fought to get the information over the cell-phone after a failed attempt to find it based solely on intuition: she insisted there was a branch close by going just a little farther down Broadway. She got the info she wanted only to decide that the one closest to us was still far out and then settling for the ATM fee in a Commerce bank because it was still cheaper than the ATM’s installed on delis and stores. She bought me the choker. That was thoughtful of her. We had a hard time finding the vendor that sold the item that had called my curiosity even though we had taken measures to make our way back unmistakably to that exacting tent once the money issue was solved. The night before we had gone to Kana. I had found myself in a state of lassitude there and then. The availability of the opposite gender was overwhelming and here I was stuck with her! How selfish of me. But we have agreed that being selfish could be quite healthy. She went as far as suggesting that I get an hour for myself to do whatever I wanted but then backed down from her offer. That was Saturday and I thought I owed it to myself and to her too making time apart to revitalize our next encounter (which will be later on today Sunday). Yet we had already made plans.
I bailed out.
I told her I felt tired and needed rest. In my mind, I wanted to revisit Calico Cantina Bar across the street from where I work. Instead, at the last minute, I bought a cologne (Calvin Klein’s Obsession) and deodorant. The cologne was to be left with Jorge Garcia and the deodorant was lost as a testament to my forgetful nature. I had said I will remember to pick it up from a place I left secretly hidden on my way home. I was to be picked up from the floor at the end of that infamous and surreal night.

The plan

The plan is to propel myself to the next level, a level of happiness that would make me feel more apt, self-realized and mature. At this point, I have conquered several things in this existential arena: I have a better job. I am not making top money, but I’m making a lot more money than I ever was in my life. I quit smoking cigarettes, and as a result of that I gained close to twenty pounds in weigh. I lost most of it through a rigorous routine of daily exercise. I maintain an active life style. I read The Alchemist, Awaken the Giant Within, and meditate sometimes. I am dominating my demons. Soon, a few of my poems will be published in a book of poetry along with many other amateur poets. This wasn’t part of the plan but I welcomed the opportunity. I see that there is a lot of work to be done still. I will save money, move alone and have a vehicle. I need to focus in order to achieve these goals. I will earn a college degree in philosophy or literature. My number one priority is to learn and grow, be healthy and knowledgeable. I am in my way. I am becoming. I will prevail. I won't be denied. The only person that can stop me is myself. We are, as some say, our worst enemy. I don't think the internal war is over but I do believe we're in for a truce. It's a good beginning.