One of those days

I awoke one-hundred and seventy-something dollars poorer today. The sad fact is, I didn’t spend it on another woman (like I said, I never spend money on romantic dates, I rather make friends of gorgeous women and never pay for their company), and no, I didn’t buy me a pair of expensive shoes (of which I’ve been guilty of in the past), and no, whatever it is that anyone might think I did with it. I had, supposedly, lost it. Though I drank myself silly, I remember what I did and the places I went in between the time I last saw the money in my wallet and the time it was gone (this morning). My possessions were ravished and I remember Elizabeth’s angry words, her shouting over my intoxicated self, and I decided to just sleep it off. I went straight to bed and that was it.
In the morning, before finding out about my missing money, I also found out that Elizabeth had called my friend Caroline to insult her even though they don’t know each other. Caroline left me a text-message that read: “That woman you have sure is a tempered one but we still and we will always be friends.” Isn’t she a cutie? Well, cutie or not, I bossed her around last night, misbehaved every chance I got and got her interest level go through the roof.

I got to work late. I discovered not long after signing in that I didn’t have my keys with me. I must have lost them while in a rush changing into uniform. So, at this point, the same day, my boss walks up to me and looks a bit worried over things he is taking care of. He asks if I receive certain money from some sort of incentive, and said he was trying to get me more money. He also respectfully reminded me that we, safety managers to be, a group of five employees, that we will get together and whatnot. The look in my face was serene all the way, and I didn’t feel any other way; see, I wasn’t agitated and I think that I left my worries back in the subway when I told myself to relax and controlled my breathing and shot right back up clean from desperation. See, I said to myself nicely, I could worry all I want and the money won’t be there. The first thing one ought to do when losing money is losing your worry as well. A close co-worker looked as usual a bit stressed and when I told him laughing what had happened and how I love it that it happened and how I can’t wait to make more mistakes and never sweat about anything, he told me in a solemn tone what ailed him: he couldn’t make up his mind about the two women in his life. “Oh boy” I said to him. “What I would give to have your problems right now. How about staying with them both?” I joked and he laughed. And to think that not too long ago I had women problems myself. The remedy to me is clear: be your own man, and take things like a man, and walk tall and confident, and be proud and throw in the mix a little bit of humbleness (it says you are used to it). Again, be your own man and don’t take things emotionally. Things, to paraphrase the great Bob Marley, will be just dandy.

Walk you through it

Most writers rarely invite you to their shop, how books like skyscrapers are raised from the dusty ground, hammered, pumped, suffered, until they are ready to be put in a shelf which is where they belong. More often than not, there are no regrets since aiming for perfection can be a curse. Ah, the little valleys, the frozenly distilled breath of thick fog covering the mountain tops and the unfolding miniature worlds everywhere. Certain writers give you a map to fend for yourself; I usually like to walk the reader through. So many events have taken place and I have recorded in vivid detail for the delight of my faithful followers. Not one to buy my nails in desperation but patiently allow them to grow so I can break them scratching your back when I get to see you.

On sports

It was a long time ago that my cousin taught me a lesson on desperation. Our beloved soccer team was losing in front of our eyes, and the time left on the game to conclude didn’t offer much hope. Nonetheless, he reassured me in an almost calm and cynical, below-the-radar kind of tone that there was still hope for things to change. Doubtful, I argued against his logic and surely a few minutes later, he would reaffirm his initial outlook: “We can still pull this off.” It’s not so much his hope that was getting to me, it was his calm disposition that was driving me nuts. Once the game concluded and it was all but obvious that no amount of hope would ever reverse the result, as we had lost the game, he threw his arms in the air without losing his cool and gave his last verdict: “Oh, well, it’ll be next time. I asked him how he could remain so undisturbed about the whole ordeal. I was repulsed by his lack of emotion response.
Now, the thing about the Yankees started back in the days when I was still living under the parental wing of my aunt, in Maspeth, a predominantly white neighborhood in Queens. Not caring much for baseball, I once asked which teams represented New York. “There’re the Mets and the Yankees” I was told. “And we’re all Mets around here” my source explained. I was intrigued by his answer and right there and then, just to go against the current, I proclaimed myself a Yankee fan. Everyone held their breath as I made my announcement. A glorifying silence filled the room. Almost everywhere you go in the globe, men are discussing either politics (power) or sports (competition). What sealed the deal about being a Yankee fan, of course, was when I asked my uncle, Ruben, a true baseball lover, which team he liked. "The Yankees, of course" he said. "Life is difficult enough for me to choose the Mets as my team."

Dreaming of Maria

Last night I dreamt of Maria, the girl I met so long ago and I never got around calling too often. Every few months or so, I call routinely, less than four times in the past eight months. So, it’s not like I’m stalking her. Yet the idea of getting over an idea, which has no longer anything to do with the actual girl, takes more than will. Are you by now as confused as I am? It’s amazing just how much the average individual deals with on a daily basis, and on top of that our imagination plays us a bad hand. It is as if we were in a constant struggle between body and mind. Our realities, if they differ an inch from our dreams, become a drag day in and day out. Of course, our imaginations are always exaggerating scenarios and in essence do not require that Maria lay next to me in bed (only a lousy lover would think of a bed when it comes to sex; look, first of all, she has to earn the right to climb aboard my bed and in between my sheets. Some guys offer their beds to a potential lover in a sleep-over, big mistake…This is my domain here, you better be on your knees, girl, and begging, crawling lavishly all over the floor on all fours before you can come to bed. Otherwise, there’s always the sofa).
Look, in our social lives, things have to be bittersweet. No one wants what’s given for free, so be reserve in your approach to others and allow their need for proximity to develop over time. Be like a mountain: let others come to you. Achievers are sexy, in part, because they aren’t readily available to anyone, anytime, any place. They are wary of their time and how they spend it. It is a way of filtering certain characters with strong emotions of need, usually harmless individuals beyond our help. If a close one comes to you in their hour of need, by all means assist that person if the necessity is real and there is some reasonable way in which to contribute in order to remedy the situation. But if every single time someone needs something they turn to you for it, then it is no longer help but dependence. We are not into solving the world’s problems.
This doctrine, of course, is valid only if you happen to live in a country as rich as ours. In other words, if you have a cause of your own, like helping a child or are involved in some activism, well, that is not dependence. That is an act of kindness. That is giving, not taking, and it’s just as selfish and fun. If you patronize someone, you can boss them around a little. You have that inner pride that emanates from doing something is not in the power of everyone to do, the power behind knowing yourself capable of, maybe not completely supporting some relative on a foreign land, but improving the livelihood of someone else. Paying gives you the power to elevate yourself in almost every situation. You act accordingly, given the particular condition. Now usually being rather humble than bragging about it, is the sure way to go. Why? Because being overtly showy and talking about how much you do, is not going to get you very far if you don’t throw in some humility. What does humility usually say about you? That you are used to it. Now, I am not referring to the kind of charitable spirit sort of humbleness. It is the kind that you don’t think it too much, as if it were a duty. You usually don’t brag about doing what is your job. Let others know with subtlety about yourself; let them find you out. Yet at the same time, cultivate relations like a field. It takes time to go from the seed that breaks the ground above and defies gravity, ramifying into branches and then the fruit. Ah, the time to harvest has arrived. Now, again, we must exert some prudence and work on ourselves instead of chasing mirages in the dessert. Edify the structures that will raise the foundation of who you will become, slowly but firmly.
Am I getting myself into trouble? Well, trouble is fun. Here’s the thing, and it is no longer about girls, really. I now can say comfortably that approaching and making women interested in me, is not a problem to me. I am now concerned with my own evolution and I think that going out on dates leads eventually to more dates, when the resources and energy spent can be utilized on our goals. So, for now, I will continue to only dream of Maria.