Life is a beach and then you dive -Corny, I know, but that's the only spin -off I could've come up with when this guy uttered the indiscriminate, crude, uninspiring original (life is a bitch...). I doubt anyone else has said some cold shit like that down here in South Beach. There are variables to this equation. If someone were to use the colloquial: "It's the same shit, different day", I'd counter that, if you pay close attention, "shit" is never the same. There are variables when it comes to feces, you know, the stuff that comes out of your ass. And sometimes, we get to be an ass but not a real ass, just playing one. If a girl has an ass, and a nasty attitude, bluntly (of course, with a slight tone that implies otherwise) ask her if she's proud to be an ass. That was funny because it's easy to find the two in all around the major cities of the world. With the exception of Mexicans, at least the ones I saw in Cancun. A warrior society, with a proud heritage and a strong work ethic, but no ass. They say that women who have less proportionate glutes tend to be more ambitious.
We men are too predictable and easy to see through. Your woman knows when you lie. Intuition is a superpower they harness since early in their formation.
I read Schopenhauer when I was 17.
To the German philosopher, women are a creature between the man and the child. You'd argue that he lived in a different era. But his mother was a distinguished writer. His point was not a critique or an opinion. He had observed how in nature female ants would lose their wings shortly after mating and his take was that just the same women would lose some of their beauty and therefore their most precious weapon at their disposal. If you doubt it, see how many millions are spent on beauty enhancing methods. Of course, not all women are vain and men can incur in the same bad habit, but it's mostly women. Take a look around and see how many are wearing make-up. Those who aren't, let's say roughly one fifth... these are the unemotional, more manlike kind. Sure, many have gone without makeup. But they can't go anywhere important with it. And when was the last time a girl asked you out? As supposedly aggressive as American girls are (and they are by comparison, at least that's my experience), they still want the man to lead.
Things aren't what they seem and even when we know better, often we resort to a similar outdated paradigm to rectify a wrong.
We men are too predictable and easy to see through. Your woman knows when you lie. Intuition is a superpower they harness since early in their formation.
I read Schopenhauer when I was 17.
To the German philosopher, women are a creature between the man and the child. You'd argue that he lived in a different era. But his mother was a distinguished writer. His point was not a critique or an opinion. He had observed how in nature female ants would lose their wings shortly after mating and his take was that just the same women would lose some of their beauty and therefore their most precious weapon at their disposal. If you doubt it, see how many millions are spent on beauty enhancing methods. Of course, not all women are vain and men can incur in the same bad habit, but it's mostly women. Take a look around and see how many are wearing make-up. Those who aren't, let's say roughly one fifth... these are the unemotional, more manlike kind. Sure, many have gone without makeup. But they can't go anywhere important with it. And when was the last time a girl asked you out? As supposedly aggressive as American girls are (and they are by comparison, at least that's my experience), they still want the man to lead.
Things aren't what they seem and even when we know better, often we resort to a similar outdated paradigm to rectify a wrong.
It's no surprise then that we end up with the same result. It's a vicious cycle. Instead of blame and resentment, keep in mind that in the end you're only doing to yourself. Ask yourself how high a price are you willing to pay, how much will you sacrifice at the expense of your ego. If you suffer, chances are a proportional amount of ego is involved.
Even the so-called altruistic behavior that aims to uplift others (provided that we first lift ourselves), the collective spirit that dances to the tune of our inner rhythm, is wrapped around an egotistical chorus. Whether we do right or wrong, a degree of self-involvement is unavoidable since whatever action we deem necessary to repair the damage is missile-guided to heal us from within. We are all addicted to our way of feeling and being in the world.
When we choose laughter as an ornament, when things go our way, or not, therein lies a narcissistic streak that surfaces from within, lauded by our own limited perception.
A healthy ego is necessary to transcend the lawlessness of life. And not in a cherry-picking fashion, no. You need to confront head-on the challenges and demands this life throws at you. But do so in a composed and level-headed way, without recruiting ill-advised methods.
That's what I replied to a not-so-young Albanian man in South Beach. As soon as I walked into the room late afternoon, when everyone was out or about to head out into the greatest of Miami Beach, this guy had the audacity to complain that the hall light was on. Luckily, I come prepared and so I went into the restroom and walked out ten minutes later. Not as much as an instigated noise; no rigid shame in execution either. Neither passive nor aggressive. No nonsense.
When we are challenged unjustly by others, there's a tendency to psychologicallyy regress to a childhood stage, one where an austere figure such as a parent or a teacher, or someone from our inner circle early in our development. Again, the rejection and personal slight still resonates, though we may not have access to any memory of it, and not that it happened just once but all throughout our experience. Awful experiences leave an imprint on our psyque. We must pay attention to how we react to things and downgrade the initial blow by simply admitting to ourselves that no matter how hard things may be, we can find some way to alliviate or even remedy the situation. It won't be helped by sulking.
I could have taken it to another level. Maybe say something or turn on all the lights and take more time and space than necessary. Play some loud music in the bathroom. But I didn't. It wasn't that the occasion did not merit it. It happens often to me, I don't know about you but when crazy seems extra crazy, I kind of tone down and refrain from acting up. If it's someone who seems reasonable, then I'm all in. In positive confrontation, we may find reciprocity in a verbal exchange. The right balance to keep a level-headed attitude, but it takes practice. If you wait till the moment something big takes places, you missed it. Daily, life is full of moments that make us either laugh or frown, and in that moment that you'll put to good use what it is to be patient. (That moment when the morning train gets stuck between stations or when the one you're riding suddenly goes out of service and now you'll be late to work. They won't pay you for the time you spend wasting the best of your day away. That's why I bought me a bike which the girl downstairs, a neighbor, already broke. She said she'd fix it. It's been weeks, so I better take care of that.)
Patience, among other virtues, is like a muscle. Writing is sort of a mental workout. You need discipline. Consistency. Variation. Intensity. Eat and sleep well. Writing is absorbing, it centers you; it's like meditating with your fingers. Nirvana is compressed within the mind. And so is hell. And all of the obsessions that drive us. We must take a step back and be patient.
Patience isn't passivity. I could have gotten into an argument with someone that wouldn't have been persuaded by my point. Either I resorted to violence or else I was wasting my time. So, I not only kept my mouth shut: I breathed in and out slowly, let it all go up in smoke. I'm in South Beach, am I going to get into a fight as soon as I walk into my shared room?
No, it isn't usually this way. Hostels have an undeserved bad reputation. Like everything, hostels vary. If you do your research, you'll find hostels not only save you tons of money but it has a social component to it that enhances the experience. Usually, people who book a private room go to their room and, more or less, do as they please. In a hostel, guests tend to hang out and open up conversations with one another. And so, I talked to this guy, see how far down the rabbit hole he was willing to take me to madness.
It turned out we had that in common: I love playing the jerk. He was one. All we needed was to tone it down and we could easily make an indomitable pair of balls. It needn't to be tame. All I had to do was unleash it. Let it loose, sit back, relax, sip a drink. When the bouncer comes over asking if that's your friend, say: "I've never seen him before tonight." It'd be technically true, you don't want to ever have to use the best tool you can possibly muster against a six feet, five inch tall ass motherfucker. Bouncers will throw you out along with your friends. And I have a bad rap with bouncers, safe to say we do not get along.
He was the talk of everyone around, and it wasn't the kind of rumor that made him stand out in a crowd. It was bad.
Nonetheless, I approached him as he laid on the reception sofa. I had finally sympathized with one of his complaints, or at least that was my cue in. The guy had the nerve to say that the reason the hostel played festive Latin music all night long was because they wanted him to check out. "That's absurd" I thought. But I didn't say that.
"Or. Maybe, just maybe... it has something to do with this being South Beach, Miami, and there's nothing but happy music. I'm not happy, and I don't like happy music except when I'm here. Here, it's okay." That's the longest conversation we had.
Even difficult people has at their disposition the faculty to bond with others, but don't hold your breath. Their narcissism and despot ways are ingrained skin deep. One thing is to hang out with a guy like that because with that attitude you either pick up a girl or a fight. You're not going empty-handed home. It's prudent to keep a safe distance, divorce yourself from the roles that others impose upon themselves while at a bar or club. Continue to do what you do: drink expensive bottles of water and ask that no animal touches your plate. When your diet is mostly composed of plants and fruit, whole foods
Vegans are annoying, I know. Not all, but it just so happens that when you finally stumble upon the magic bullet when it comes to eating right, you pretty much are set. Add to that the fact that I walked into Sheppard Hall at City College. Twenty years ago, I had worked there as a security guard. I went there to sign up for a fitness certification as a personal trainer. I've transformed my body on my own through diet and exercise. I want to find out more about it. In the middle of that environment, you can easily move to other places. I've lost 7 percent body fat and I am only two pounds over my ideal weight. It probably has to do with muscle; all that weight lifting, plenty of rest, focus, intensity, repeat. Even lazy workouts are far better at balancing you out. Overtime, you can help but to transform yourself. For the better. I quit drinking and am smoking far less. I will quit once the class is over: nicotine makes you focus. People who smoke tend to have it backwards: some would quit at one point but after a relapse, go back full blast. Instead, smokers should consider imposing a quarantine.
- Forty days and its night without a single cigarette. You should always try and quit.
- People can use leverage. Look at videos on YouTube of people who had their lungs removed because of cancer. Cancer caused by smoking cigarettes. There you have it, leverage.
- Keep away from friends and/or potential lovers, coworkers, relatives, even social activities that have people smoking like the bar scene. I haven't been at a bar for who knows how long. I don't miss. I like my nights to sleep. I go to bed early. I don't plan much just the usual, cook my own meals and do a few dozen of chin-up pull-ups just to get the blood pumping.
- Quit for the moment, stop a couple of seconds before lighting up, give up the habit for a break or a day, or smoke cigarettes half way. Delaying the inevitable increases tension, feel the lack within, the urge that calls upon you. How little power do you have over it? If someone were to put a gun to your head, to do the right thing and put that cigarette out, wouldn't you? Well, aren't you putting a gun to your head every time you light up? No one's saying you should quit. God, no, who are we kidding? That'd be way too much to ask. What I do recommend is cleansing your body. It doesn't take long for your body to regenerate. You can increase your immunity if you quit cigarettes from time to time. It won't be as healthy as quitting it all together, not by a whole lot. But quitting smoking will give your immune system to prop up its defenses, your blood pressure will decrease, your circulation briefly improved. You'll know then: nothing feels quite as good as being healthy and peaceful.
- A lot of people who smoke deal with repressed feelings; some are just angry. I know I was. Well, I am still very much pissed-off. But I manage things better nowadays, I smile, I don't get into fights, I was never jealous but I was one angry pain in the ass excuse of a lover. Fortunately, I was always eager to transcend the actual state of things. Anger blinds you. It kills. Maybe not today but eventually, for sure. Unless, of course, you're willing to face the anger, the anxiety and, in essence, the pain it painstakingly takes to overcome the abuse we've put ourselves through. You got time to meditate.
- When others take naps, I meditate. When others watch TV, I meditate. When I write, it gets to be a way of meditating. So, just as I made my world an extension of the gym and I take the stairs and run a few blocks in the mornings, lift weights for an hour twice a week, do crunches and sit-ups here and there... just the same I meditate, as I eat, as I walk, as I work out, I can meditate anytime, anywhere. All I need is the following ingredients: silence and space. Now, silence doesn't really exist. Earplugs are very helpful, especially when you stay at hostels. Noise-cancelling headphones, too. Playing some New Age music, it eases the journey. Meditation is no less addictive than nicotine.
- Pause. You know you'll press play shortly. But that pause, in that moment and for as long as you hold, is yours. It belongs to you. The thing is people think that they must give up something they love and it hurts just contemplating to quit something that causes you so much pleasure. Well, no. You never really stop being a smoker. You just pause, sometimes stop. I did so, first for seven years. Last time, I quit for two years and a half. In essence, I quit more time than I smoked. In the last decade, I may have smoked for no more than third of the time. People do the opposite.