Dreaming of Maria

Last night I dreamt of Maria, the girl I met so long ago and I never got around calling too often. Every few months or so, I call routinely, less than four times in the past eight months. So, it’s not like I’m stalking her. Yet the idea of getting over an idea, which has no longer anything to do with the actual girl, takes more than will. Are you by now as confused as I am? It’s amazing just how much the average individual deals with on a daily basis, and on top of that our imagination plays us a bad hand. It is as if we were in a constant struggle between body and mind. Our realities, if they differ an inch from our dreams, become a drag day in and day out. Of course, our imaginations are always exaggerating scenarios and in essence do not require that Maria lay next to me in bed (only a lousy lover would think of a bed when it comes to sex; look, first of all, she has to earn the right to climb aboard my bed and in between my sheets. Some guys offer their beds to a potential lover in a sleep-over, big mistake…This is my domain here, you better be on your knees, girl, and begging, crawling lavishly all over the floor on all fours before you can come to bed. Otherwise, there’s always the sofa).
Look, in our social lives, things have to be bittersweet. No one wants what’s given for free, so be reserve in your approach to others and allow their need for proximity to develop over time. Be like a mountain: let others come to you. Achievers are sexy, in part, because they aren’t readily available to anyone, anytime, any place. They are wary of their time and how they spend it. It is a way of filtering certain characters with strong emotions of need, usually harmless individuals beyond our help. If a close one comes to you in their hour of need, by all means assist that person if the necessity is real and there is some reasonable way in which to contribute in order to remedy the situation. But if every single time someone needs something they turn to you for it, then it is no longer help but dependence. We are not into solving the world’s problems.
This doctrine, of course, is valid only if you happen to live in a country as rich as ours. In other words, if you have a cause of your own, like helping a child or are involved in some activism, well, that is not dependence. That is an act of kindness. That is giving, not taking, and it’s just as selfish and fun. If you patronize someone, you can boss them around a little. You have that inner pride that emanates from doing something is not in the power of everyone to do, the power behind knowing yourself capable of, maybe not completely supporting some relative on a foreign land, but improving the livelihood of someone else. Paying gives you the power to elevate yourself in almost every situation. You act accordingly, given the particular condition. Now usually being rather humble than bragging about it, is the sure way to go. Why? Because being overtly showy and talking about how much you do, is not going to get you very far if you don’t throw in some humility. What does humility usually say about you? That you are used to it. Now, I am not referring to the kind of charitable spirit sort of humbleness. It is the kind that you don’t think it too much, as if it were a duty. You usually don’t brag about doing what is your job. Let others know with subtlety about yourself; let them find you out. Yet at the same time, cultivate relations like a field. It takes time to go from the seed that breaks the ground above and defies gravity, ramifying into branches and then the fruit. Ah, the time to harvest has arrived. Now, again, we must exert some prudence and work on ourselves instead of chasing mirages in the dessert. Edify the structures that will raise the foundation of who you will become, slowly but firmly.
Am I getting myself into trouble? Well, trouble is fun. Here’s the thing, and it is no longer about girls, really. I now can say comfortably that approaching and making women interested in me, is not a problem to me. I am now concerned with my own evolution and I think that going out on dates leads eventually to more dates, when the resources and energy spent can be utilized on our goals. So, for now, I will continue to only dream of Maria.