Love deliberately

Oceans of girls are getting ready to get out and enjoy the night. I can see them pass by the street on the other side of the window and normally I’d be prompted to want them all, as if I could satisfy all of their desires. My sad love is just getting home from a long day at work around this time; I imagine her world as she makes her way home and I sigh. How did we ever get to this? Some questions are better made than answered. So, I will head home and caress her feet, and touch her hair, and love her madly, like I never have before. Not out of guilt, of course. It may have something to do with the opposite of habit: a new perspective that will transform my life based solely on tending to their needs, at least for the time being. We may not know how long love will last. But we can always make it the best we can every passing minute we have. After all, the rest are only beautiful, tempting, and, in the end, always deceptive mirages. Caring for her, suddenly, is part of my routine. I guess that instability of having one foot home and the other out of the house, my fear of commitment to the woman I love. How lucky have I always been, indeed, when it came to the opposite sex starting from my mother and all the way to Isabel. Something stronger than my desire to break away and never give in completely has taken its toll on me. Fact is, I have spent valuable resources on partying and cheating which have taught me absolutely nothing about life except that I am a very selfish individual. Selfishness, to an extent, is healthy. I could, however, have given her and myself so much more had not been so selfish. If it is to last a day or a century, I will make sure that as long as we are in this lovely mess, I will strive to make things better day by day, and put more on top of my shoulders to lessen her load. I know I am wanted, and the games of vanity, and my sense of failure have nothing to do with her. I could, if I wanted, make her happier than she already is. It is not only pain that we can sometimes cause deliberately. Loving too could come off as the result of a conscious act.