Chastity Rarely Lasts

So long as you keep your composure.

Leisure, relax, sip a few beers, listen to music, living the quiet life, except there is no desperation. I got two laptops, a 42-inch flat screen Samsung, a Playstation 3, a 32-gigabytes Ipod Touch packed with thousands of songs and dozens of videos. I got cable with a whole bunch of movies and paying twenty dollars a month for it (the girl who rented me the room said I only had to pay for the cable box which was like five dollars a month, and instead I offer her five weekly, still a bargain for me).We modern men no longer have to fear loneliness, just embrace the possibilities time alone can bring. Time alone doesn’t have to be time spent alone. Go out, mingle, chat with strangers on the web, go back to the gym, drink two beers on five different and new bars every Thursday (I believe they call it “bar-hopping”). I enjoy time listening to music and having a few beers. I only smoke when I drink nowadays. A cigarette every three drinks. I feel no guilt; I enjoy it like is meant to be. I don’t condone smoking; I just love it. And I do the things I love regardless of what they say. I never get sick. I do things for others every single day, and I don’t ever feel like I’ve done enough. But I got to keep on giving. And receive, I shall. It’s far more than that: giving puts you in a state of mind where the sense of a generous universe revolves around us all, and that there really isn’t an end to the well from which we draw. I have a taste for madness, I love playing the role model to my stepson and I love my stepson. I am very good to Isabel, my son’s mother.
I never fell in love with Isabel. But I did love her. I still do, just not in the same way. Nothing stays the same for long, and this separation has served us both, independently of each other, well. She hasn’t really changed. She still nags for the smallest things, never admits to her mistakes (us neurotics blame ourselves), has never really picked up the hint that thanking someone is a positive habit. With the exception of some noble moments, most were just a nightmare. I take the kid for a long walk. I buy him clothes and toys. I try to engage him. I talk to him. I observe him closely. Three to four times a week, more than an hour at a time. I work a lot of overtime, whatever comes my way. I’ve written and self-published three books. I am with one girl at a time nowadays, and I have been for quite sometime. I demand no less of the girl I’m with than being her number one. I don’t settle for less. I go long and nurture myself without a woman in my life. But there are just so many of them. Chastity never lasts.