I thought we agreed about the rules: do not take this blog personally, it serves a therapeutic purpose, you can jump back and see that there are things that are never pleasing to the reading eye. If you want to understand about how this works, it is to me what shooting a gun is for others. It is to me what gossip is to others. I don't pray, and I don't have anywhere more to go to vent. You have blocked my attempts at meditation by always having that washing machine on or snoring like there is no tomorrow. You have all my passwords and there is just nowhere left where your watchful inquisitive eye won't spot. Don't worry about being read, no one really reads anymore, and those who bother doing so really have our best interest at hand. Pay attention now, and go ahead to the very last line of this writing so you can see I left you with my facebook password, fix the relationship status now. Go!
Now, going back to these pages, I don't promote these, you stumbled upon them just recently and even when you did you never showed too much interest. You never mentioned anything about other entries, just out of the blue now you seem to be engaged, taking note, paying close attention to a lot of things I've written recently, but I think you saw how much of it, purposely, is now based on us. Now you can have a taste of your own medicine, just as much crap as can be said can be written, gossip creates unnecessary drama, no one should know about our business. Keep parents and friends out. Show a window into your soul, don't open all the doors because people don't always go in with the best of intentions. You have to be a little selective as to who you let in completely.
I can see how you may take offense. No harm intended, babe. Those who read this blog are spotty, never take things to heart, many of them don't know me personally and maybe family and friends in all won't amount to more than two or three; but if someone I care for somehow sees it, they will always come back for more from time to time. You check out these blogs more often. I have got to become a far more positive writer. Don't wait for it standing there, take a chair because it will take a while before I can metaphor into such marvelous being. I think I have already began. I just have the bad habit of looking at literature as a psychological toilet where I can dump and feel renewed.
Now, I feel that by throwing out into the universe the bad energy I give off here, I could alliviate the pain or force some immediate action. We challenge others not by pleasing them but by displeasing, too. It can force us to take a look at ourselves in a not-so-pretty place, since couples are known to fall in one of these traps from time to time. We get to make our own mistakes, others should keep their boundaries, yeah I know we are public and for that I forgive you, I don't enjoy being thought of as one way or another, but if so, be it. Who cares how I portray you here, we get to make our own rules and learn from our mistakes. I will focus on the issues you find more pressing, find a way to solve and mend things between us, you are loved even though I appear cold and distant, and I insist, feel free to do as you please, have friends over, go out with friends, just keep a low profile, if possible..
Very few people read these pages, all very close friends and family. They're a selective elite, and now you went and made it public, it's a shameful act. Now I am forced to lighten up and brighten the dark roots where my words stem from. This isn't meant to be eye-candy, there is nothing to be forgiven or easily forgotten; it's mental feces sometimes. Maybe in some paragraphs you see me be more compassionate and loving, but I am known to write with my guts and it may feel too real or harsh in the eyes of many, but this isn't for no one other than me; it is what happens when I have my Incredible Hulk moments and leave a written statement on the anger episode. You go drawing from that source and that energy unleashes its doom on us. Not all that is written it is meant to be read. I write in such a brutally honest way and I know people may take offense. But only if they find themselves in the joke. It's not that the blogs are fictitious; they're meant to give voice to something that you rather scream out and leave behind; it is how I deal and keep things in check. And if I push a button, it wasn't coincidental. Unlike in a conversation, we are never interrupted. We are all semi-naturally inclined to resist listening to someone else make their point, and whether I'm wrong or right means nothing if I can't shake the feeling I felt betrayed by your actions. I'll get over it, the thing will be taken care, every single thing just so that you are then and only so convinced of my love. I don't think I'm an angel but I'm far from being the stereotypical Latin macho you portray me as. I make sure to say nice things about you, it feels good to know you're by my side. I have been angry, still am, but my love for you, not just Julian, is more. I know I may come across as crazy or unbalanced, but I have acted out of self-preservation. I have been upfront about my position here. That will never change. But it doesn't ring any apocalytic bells.
Now, going back to these pages, I don't promote these, you stumbled upon them just recently and even when you did you never showed too much interest. You never mentioned anything about other entries, just out of the blue now you seem to be engaged, taking note, paying close attention to a lot of things I've written recently, but I think you saw how much of it, purposely, is now based on us. Now you can have a taste of your own medicine, just as much crap as can be said can be written, gossip creates unnecessary drama, no one should know about our business. Keep parents and friends out. Show a window into your soul, don't open all the doors because people don't always go in with the best of intentions. You have to be a little selective as to who you let in completely.
I can see how you may take offense. No harm intended, babe. Those who read this blog are spotty, never take things to heart, many of them don't know me personally and maybe family and friends in all won't amount to more than two or three; but if someone I care for somehow sees it, they will always come back for more from time to time. You check out these blogs more often. I have got to become a far more positive writer. Don't wait for it standing there, take a chair because it will take a while before I can metaphor into such marvelous being. I think I have already began. I just have the bad habit of looking at literature as a psychological toilet where I can dump and feel renewed.
Now, I feel that by throwing out into the universe the bad energy I give off here, I could alliviate the pain or force some immediate action. We challenge others not by pleasing them but by displeasing, too. It can force us to take a look at ourselves in a not-so-pretty place, since couples are known to fall in one of these traps from time to time. We get to make our own mistakes, others should keep their boundaries, yeah I know we are public and for that I forgive you, I don't enjoy being thought of as one way or another, but if so, be it. Who cares how I portray you here, we get to make our own rules and learn from our mistakes. I will focus on the issues you find more pressing, find a way to solve and mend things between us, you are loved even though I appear cold and distant, and I insist, feel free to do as you please, have friends over, go out with friends, just keep a low profile, if possible..
Very few people read these pages, all very close friends and family. They're a selective elite, and now you went and made it public, it's a shameful act. Now I am forced to lighten up and brighten the dark roots where my words stem from. This isn't meant to be eye-candy, there is nothing to be forgiven or easily forgotten; it's mental feces sometimes. Maybe in some paragraphs you see me be more compassionate and loving, but I am known to write with my guts and it may feel too real or harsh in the eyes of many, but this isn't for no one other than me; it is what happens when I have my Incredible Hulk moments and leave a written statement on the anger episode. You go drawing from that source and that energy unleashes its doom on us. Not all that is written it is meant to be read. I write in such a brutally honest way and I know people may take offense. But only if they find themselves in the joke. It's not that the blogs are fictitious; they're meant to give voice to something that you rather scream out and leave behind; it is how I deal and keep things in check. And if I push a button, it wasn't coincidental. Unlike in a conversation, we are never interrupted. We are all semi-naturally inclined to resist listening to someone else make their point, and whether I'm wrong or right means nothing if I can't shake the feeling I felt betrayed by your actions. I'll get over it, the thing will be taken care, every single thing just so that you are then and only so convinced of my love. I don't think I'm an angel but I'm far from being the stereotypical Latin macho you portray me as. I make sure to say nice things about you, it feels good to know you're by my side. I have been angry, still am, but my love for you, not just Julian, is more. I know I may come across as crazy or unbalanced, but I have acted out of self-preservation. I have been upfront about my position here. That will never change. But it doesn't ring any apocalytic bells.
I can be very annoying and painful, too. We aren't angels and if I get to talk to myself as freely as I do here, it is because I know that in the real life we share together I can't do so. You let these words get to you and yeah I wasn't innocent in writing them. It is because you draw from them what already is inside you. If you see anger, you will express anger. No writing or word should have that power over you. Yeah, you lose your head and call the other person an asshole or a bitch, but the matter at hand isn't there; these verbal assaults are rare and only signal frustration. No one is sensitive enough to take this to the level of psychological abuse. That has an element of drama. Of course, I explained to you that I wasn't writing about the good, there is so much but that I keep to myself. I'd spend volumes speaking of all the blessings you bring daily to my life and I don't go making you my enemy in my mind. The way I see it, it hurts my see that my son doesn't bear my last name. It's not the end of us but I will not underplay how irritable the subject makes me. I thought I'd be more thoughtful as to not include many personal items.
The idea that I am a chauvinistic, controlling individual, machista. Yeah, some of it I can't escape. I don't know about you guys, but I like to protect my investment; I'm not going ape on this but I don't like my girl talking to guys she was involved with. Call me old-fashion but that's just me, and it's not like I say anything about it. I don't like it and I just say it as I see it. She can be cordial and accessible to all and I understand she's a beautiful girl and guys will gravitate towards her. It's inescapable. Now, you want your girl to go out and have a good time with her girl friends, that was what I thought the program was, and of course I know she didn't step out of the line, and I overlook it the first time she mentioned it. I thought sarcastically, "I'm gonna let this one slide." I was happy you actually had fun. Now you paint me in front of others as someone who doesn't like you to have friends or keeps you chained somewhere in a dark room down in a basement. If I were insecure, I would've never overlooked things like the people you dated, it is your past and I know I am your present. But we must keep some appearances in places like the Kew where everyone knows everyone else and where the flow of drama is endless. Yeah, we had this discussion many times and I expressed to you how I didn't see the almost pervasive fascination you guys have with this place. I am kind of an odd ball. I don't have close friends, and I am known to be a loner. I keep to myself and I feel betrayed whenever I learn that what I consider our business and privacy is all out there in the open. If only you would be more discreet. This is a valuable lesson. I will erase every single one of the writings so that you no longer have to suffer such humilliation, and I'd make sure to let everyone know that you have been nothing but fantastic towards me. I like your friends and your family, I think they are awesome. I've always said that, and I know you know what my real beef with you is. I just don't find it as fun as before when I used to ravish you anywhere. Look, I don't want to kill grandma or demonize mom (she's a great mom and moms are known to be a pain in the ass), and I don't want to get on Russ' bad side anymore, so I'd say let's stop the silliness and get your ass home. Everything else (divorce, name changes, including mine!) we'll take care of with resolve and in love. You know, it doesn't make us good. You've been a very naughty girl and... well, I don't want to kill grandmom of a heart-attack. The thing is, I miss you guys, you have a home here and a man who love you both very much. I get in touch with my dark side and who knows what shadows lurk there! What you should tell your parents that your daughter hits me, I should have told your stepfather. Oh, but only I find that cute, and what harm could it possibly cause? I love the video where you sing to him the Madonna song. You fix the status on facebook, the password is the same as you know except it has an extra dot. Fix it as soon as possible. I will reset my password 12 hours from now.
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