Interior monologue

The interior monologue I have, like most people, keeps me doing the same things over and over. We spend a very precious part of our lives thinking of the things we want to do and doing the things we don’t want any part of. Well, perhaps I’m being a bit harsh on myself. Things I don’t talk about in this writings, aspects of my life I keep in obscurity, as people so often does, are the things that most impact have on us. These should be out in the open and not hidden somewhere under a big pile of nothingness. Dealing now with what’s most urgent, grabbing the bull by its thorns, creates a sense of purpose in our lives. I’m not advocating for us to go on a limb and jump in hot water; good things require time and dedication, endurance and patience. It’s comforting to know that we’re in charge of this thing, that we mean business as usual without the need to look sweaty or have a for sale sign on the door. Pace yourself but aim always a bit higher, chunk after chunk of energy poured into the cause at hand will alleviate the symptoms in the very least or eradicate the illness overall. It’s hard and tedious work but someone has to clean the dirty dishes. So, indulge in certain recreational activities from time to time to congratulate yourself. In fact, I do think that the ones who enjoy life to the fullest are actually the most efficient individuals there are. The more we think about it the more we come to realize that following the path of our dreams is a lot easier than taking the easy way out. Because the easy way out in the long road constitutes a heavier load on our backs. Even if the load of our hopes and aspirations is just as grave, it is at least so much more rewarding. I want to break the chains of this routine which have me here in front of this computer at this particular time in life just visualizing my potential. I will exacerbate it. I will leave very little room to chance. This very writing is a proof of such metamorphosis: I had in mind to do something consistently to explore myself and expose myself. To keep the dialogue flowing. To break away with the ever so tired monologue. This job, insignificant as it may appear, it is part of the reconstruction. Some people might get the sense that I am a recovering emotional addict. On the contrary, I have very little need of dependency; nonetheless, I have been wasteful with my time. That, sir, is a terrible crime. But guilt is such a futile exertion. I avoid falling into its vicious cycle and instead immerse myself into this phenomenon which we call “life”. It will be nighttime soon, and I thought I should write down here and now that I am a lot happier, more apt and mature than ever before. Taking a look around, there’s still so much to be done. I won’t stop at nothing. My goals are realistic, my mind is focused. Someone wise once told me that the road to hell was paved in good intentions. What a witty paradox! In other words, many people sacrifice too much thinking of others and submitting themselves to conditions they’d rather not be in, in the name of good intentions. I said before too that some people is good because that’s all that they can be. At the very same time, I am in a delicate situation myself. I am torn in two and I’m not nearly as perfect as I sound. But I’m slowly getting there. It seems to me that there is a lot of sacrifice to be made, for myself and for others. Are my supposedly good intentions getting in the way, my way? I think it depends on the way we see things. Sure I could very easily get ahead by sacrificing all the lamb meat in my life and saving just the lion’s head. But as well as an existential architect in me there’s also a nurturer and a compassionate soul. I’ve read and understood Nietzsche like most individuals who denounce him as crazy never had the chance to. I know that after all there might not be an after all but just what we have and what we work with right here and now. Still I haven’t become a cynic and I have an open mind and an open surgical-like proverbial heart. If helping those that have consistently lend a hand to me in time of need is a sign of inferiority, then I am a very little man on this estranged earth. I am not being a hypocrite nor sentimental nor stoic. But there’s a little of all of that in me.