The ever-so-desperately sought perspective

Working out clears your mind; I laugh when I hear people say that they don’t have time to work out. First, making out should be already part of your routine; secondly, it shouldn’t matter so much the time length of your workout as much as being consistent. I remember that whenever time was scarce, I devised what I used to call a “mini-workout”, which didn’t last longer than seven minutes. Most of the time I exercised for longer than that, and then I found that the important and difficult thing to begin with was precisely that: the beginning of it. At the time I was assistant manager to a small security firm that had its roots in New Jersey, and, given that I was in charge of a recently created account the owner himself commended me personally, I worked literally 24/7. On top of that, I found time to read and go out with my nocturnal friends, the so-called perfect strangers that I speak of, a rare breed that I had never seen on broad daylight. What a time to be alive! Now I’m off to the bank and then back. I may be moving from here someday, when I put in at least the same much I got, when the plans envisioned (i.e., saving money for a rainy day, buying a car, moving out, publishing a book, finding her a better job, making love aboard a ship in a cruise, going on a vacation to Santo Domingo) comes through. It’s not the moon I’m asking for; it’s an entire little universe of our own. Yes, it sounds divisive and indecisive, given that I will go on a date with another. I have been selfish with Isabel. The thing is, more than anything she needs a little security and I often give the impression that we may not be together within a year from now. My mentality should be to either devote myself entirely to her or let her to fend alone and find herself another life. That sounds very nice in theory but the truth is that I deeply care for her well-being, and I want her in my life. But Isabel regresses often and not in the melancholic sense; instead she complains of the time she has wasted and brings about things from the past. We are not our past, and I don’t want to have to worry about her worrying over things that happened a very long time ago. That the passion that ignited the relationship in the beginning is no longer there, and that I cannot find the same attraction for each other as we did before is only a blessing, a shift that will allow ourselves the ever-so-desperately sought after perspective.