The tougher the question, the sounder the answer

We shouln't speak as if we were holding all of the answers. Those who truly seek, often wonder. I question this very moment and my most immediate sense of urgency but also try diciphering what will survive the test of time. I am more focused now, and I look forward to a healthier life in which all of my sides come into one sound and singular being. I wonder if I should remain here in the long run, because Isabel has become increasingly difficult. I can't connect with her and I can't please all of her needs. I have told her that I cannot be held responsible for her happiness. I ask about her plans, and she mumbles things that don't seem to have resonance. As if she didn't really believe what she is saying. This affects me, in turn, because I am here with her. Her flaws are a reflection of my own failures. I want and I crave so much more. That is how infidelity works: it either destroys a relationship or makes it.
Now, every single aspect of our lives can be enhanced and improved overtime. That is also true of relationships. We have to make adjustments and better ourselves. I, for instance, didn't go out in a very long time, make more money than ever before, work twice as hard as anytime in recent memory, and have made amendments with the past for a very long time now. I can't wait for my life to show up one of these days and not be ready. I am ready now, and I want to contine, and all of this melodrama only slows me down. Either she changes or I will be forced to move on without her.
I recently worked out, made my own breakfast, sent money to my family in Colombia and wrote three simultaneous entries on my self-exploration. Yes, there are several blogs that I have started. One of them is in Spanish for my relatives and my closest friends, not recommended for a wider audience than that. I work more than forty hours a week, and plan to continue doing so, every passing second I am shifting, building for tomorrow, cemented on the present. I need an ally that shares my vision, one that is not as dependent on me to make her feel, a truly great companion. I think now we need to give ourselves sometime. All may come back to normal in a matter of days. I say, three the most.