The conquered ground is child's play

With some strong minded men or women, I often cave in. I talk more than I should or simply shy away. In every interaction, however, I should most importantly bear in mind the following: “I am less afraid than you are.” It is incredibly seductive to be the dominant type, to have the psychological upper hand, and in most situations, I do. The thing is, my previous mindset, that of a spineless, weaker being, sometimes it still surfaces and I behave in unusual ways. I see myself as if I were mentally bowing, as if my head was tilted in a submissive way, and I need to snap out of it. Everyday, whenever I see myself “bowing”, I stop and think: I am stronger than this. At least, I am as strong as anyone in front of me. This is the image I want to project; the one I look at myself in the mirror has no place for niceties or unmerited generosity. The idea is to inspire respect in others by treating ourselves with plenty of respect, not to fool around or be too playful with others.
And interestingly enough, it occurs to me more often with people I know for longer. The ones who knew me before I shed off the weaker skin, the ones who don’t see me as I see myself but often as I was. And it is with them whom I unleashed my most virulent fights. I struggled to conquer these fears, this tendency to submit myself, after years and years of living under other people’s rule. Throughout my infancy and well into my adolescent years, I lived in places I couldn’t call my own. Luckily, I had Alberto come into my mother’s life, perhaps a sense of pride and respect I got from him. I remember vividly his advice: “No one will take you seriously if you are the first to bow.”
And to this date, I have yet to incorporate such teaching deeply into my subconscious. I am who I decide and act upon, the personality and character I choose, the fancy clothes I wear, the healthy body I work for, the things I do and the things I don’t. And I have done enough lately, I’ve analyzed myself roughly; I’ve conquered so much ground. Now, this too is an aspect to implement, a challenge to take.
And I love those.