Suddenly awakened

And so, the idea is to propel myself yet again by going back to training full-time, stop playing with my ear, write and write and then write some more –in Spanish, this time. And mess with every single girl I know or could potentially know, in a subtle, wicked way, like only I know how. I sort of did today, and still it haunted me the fact that as of yet I haven’t got a haircut, and I need to. I went to bed slightly later than usual, did the dirty deeds with Elizabeth, and woke up feeling sluggish, almost as if I were in pain. I focused on making it go away by being one with my suffering, offering no obstacle or resistance. In a few moments, before I began my shift, I felt a lot better.
There’s this whole universe unraveling around me, especially in the subway. Glances, attitudes, bodies in proximity both repelled and excited by the forbidden. It is as if we wanted to, but couldn’t; as if we were staring at the ripe fruit on the tree within an arm’s reach and were somehow petrified by the thought of giving in. And giving in, is what we should. See each other at close scope, almost as if we were about to kiss but instead marvel a bit in such abandonment, somewhere where there are no prying eyes, no ugly rigidness, just pure fun and sheer thrill. Do so effortlessly, quietly, no pretensions, no submissiveness, straightforwardness. We were put on this earth to love one another freely, no boundaries, like the affection given to a baby. How much affection we get then and how little of it is left, all out of fear that we may offend another? It is childish, love that is, and that is how we choose to play; a masquerade, a cruel puzzle, a labyrinth full of distorted mirrors, a road paved on thorns and petals. Suddenly awakened, I feel the urge to run to you, to rapture you, to ravish you, to inflict some of the pain I’ve endured as of yet with all the firm tenderness and courage of a thousand Romeos, rid of guilt and that sense of embarrassment, feeling inadequate.