Memory sucks

Arbitrary measures were taken. This story is pure fiction. The characters, though based on real ones, have been conceived of by the author. It is a version of thousands in my mind. In fact, in some respects, I see these pages as something already tried. Let’s g. Everything is fiction: nonfiction, too. If you see yourself portrayed somewhere along these lines, feel free to jump ahead.
Oh, yeah. I thought about writing down some instances taking place between this particular girl at work and me. I remember it started more than three years ago. It was around that time that I had began to ignore girls, as a strategy. I had decided to ignore them all completely. I remember the idea was to go around for a month without looking at any girl’s body part. Show complete indifference. Be capable of living without them. I was into something here.
Therefore, it must have been her who first noticed me. I noticed her back when she literally jumped when I stood close to her. “Is that so?” I remember thinking. Right there and then, she began to exist. Coming back from the self-imposed period of celibacy like someone snapping out of a spell, to find that sweet face, filled with emotion, almost impulsive. I could sense she may have seemed very sure of herself (and she probably is), but in this arena the excitement for her is to play the purest form of girl game. She’d ignore me, I guess so I could get it into my head that what had happened had been nothing more than mere coincidence. She played ridiculously hard to get. She played so well, I almost fell for it. So, I did what any normal guy would have done. I completely ignore her and then make a sudden move, as if I were to take some unpredictable action, and she’d second it. It became part of our ritual to see one another daily at certain spots without every crossing a single word.
Among the so many moments shared, memory being not so much selective as it is decaying, little survives. Maybe I’ll ask her to complete the list.



MOMENTS:
I WAS ONCE AT THE DELI OF THE CORNER STORE WHICH IS NOWADAYS REPLACED BY CHASE BANK AND YOU HAD ORDERED BREAKFAST. THE MAN ASKED ME WHAT I WANT. I SEEMED DISTRACTED, SO YOU CAME TO THE RESCUE AND ASKED: “EXCUSE ME, SIR...” AND BEFORE YOU EVEN FINISHED, I INTERRUPTED YOU, IGNORING YOU COMPLETELY AND TURNING TOWARDS THE MAN: “I’M NOT READY YET” I TOLD HIM.

WHAT A JERK.

THERE WAS THIS TIME SHE WAS COMING TOWARDS ME AND I TURNED AROUND AND LOOKED AT MYSELF IN THE GLASS, BLUNTLY IGNORING HER. SHE SLAPPED HER I.D. CARD ON THE READER AND LEFT FURIOUS.

WHAT A JERK.

I REMEMBER ONCE UPON ENTERING THE BUILDING ONE COLD MORNING, YOU STOPPED TO GET YOUR I.D. OUT AND I PASSED YOU BY, BRUSHING YOU OFF AS I PASSED, I BUMPED INTO YOU AND KEPT ON WALKING. YOU DIDN’T COMPLAIN; DIDN’T EVEN UTTERED A WORD. OF COURSE, IT WASN’T ILL-INTENDED, JUST A PHYSICALITY, A PLAYFUL AGGRESSION THING. A COMPLETE STRANGER WOULD HAVE BEEN INSULTED, BUT SINCE THERE IS THIS WORLD COMPLETELY OUR OWN.

LIKE THE TIME YOU CAME BACK AND AS I SAW YOU COMING DOWN THE HALL, I WALKED TOWARDS YOU. YOU IGNORED ME COMPLETELY, AS NOW THE TABLES HAD INVERSED, AND I TOUCHED YOUR HAND WITH MY HAND IN A FIST, SOFTLY, AS YOU PASSED BY.

WANTING TO SHOW HOW MUCH OF A PLAYER YOU REALLY ARE, ONCE YOU CAME BACK FROM YOUR ALMOST TWO YEAR ABSENCE, YOU WANTED TO PUNISH ME SOMEHOW. I DIDN’T SEE THESE MOVES. WE HAD BOTH EVOLVED. SO, WHAT I DID WAS, I TALKED TO YOU. YOU SPILLED YOUR COFFEE. TWICE. I STOOD THERE WITH THE SIDE DOOR OPEN BUT YOU HAD YOUR HEAD LOWERED, AND CONTINUED TO GO THROUGH THE REVOLVING DOORS WITHOUT UTTERING AS MUCH AS A WORD. JUST AS YOU WERE THERE, I CALLED YOU BACK. “COME THROUGH HERE” I SAID TO YOU. YOU STOPPED. TURNED AROUND. CAME BACK TO ME, AND I GUIDED YOU IN. THEN, AS YOU WALKED AWAY, I STUTTERED. WHAT I WANTED TO SAY WAS, “EXCUSE ME, MISS. I STILL NEED TO SEE SOME I.D.” INSTEAD, I SAID SOMETHING LIKE: “EXCUSE ME, SEE STILL I.D. NEED TO.” SHE COMPLIED, STILL UNDER THE SPELL, I WENT UP TO HER AND HELD HER I.D. ON ONE SIDE, TO SEE HER NAME. SHE WENT ON, SAYING “THANK YOU” IN A GORGEOUSLY GIRLY TONE. IF I COULD RELIVE THE SCENE, I’D NOT ONLY SPEAK FLUENTLY, JUST LIKE I DID A WEEK LATER... I’D BE MORE IN CONTROL. I TEASE HER. SHE FREAKS. LATELY, SHE’S BECOMING A BIT ACCUSTOMED TO ME. I REBELLED AGAINST IT. I REFUSE TO GIVE IN COMPLETELY. IT’S BEEN THIS SILLY GAME FOR YEARS.


ABOUT A FEW MINUTES FROM GOING TO LUNCH, I SEE HER PASS ME ON HER WAY TO THE SECOND FLOOR. ONCE THE CO-WORKER I RELIEVED COMES BACK, I GO TO THE SECOND FLOOR AND TAKE FOOD IN A PATTERN THAT ESTABLISHES A SENSE OF COMPETITION. SHE FOLLOWS. SHE TAKES ONE SIDE OF THE COUNTERS. I TAKE THE OTHER. WE BOTH GET TO THE FINISH LINE. I CROSSED YOUR PATH. AND THERE YOU WERE, THINKING I WAS GOING TO BE A GENTLEMAN.