Never Kiss and Tell

We often struggle as individuals with our very own demons, but as long as you can provide shelter and food, and a few other small luxuries, and so long as we're healthy and mentally sound, if there are no real reasons to be miserable, then why make one up? Sure, I miss my baby, but I'd miss my sanity if it weren't for all the space and time I've had to realize that we are both adults and we love each other very much but being apart has taught us more about each other than being together ever could. First, I come from a time when people would actually talk on the phone with the person they love, not text. Yet, I evolved and I began to understand that there is a better way, the text message way. 

She'd read my Facebook, emails, etc., I had granted her access even to my bank account. 

I may have played the spy in the early stages of our relationship because it was cute then, episodes of jealousy, nothing big, you know, and she'd say that she liked that. I don't think when you play the possessive type strategically, giving the girl time to be with her friends and be cool about her having a life. You want your girl to have a life, and go travel again and study, you can't stop her or resent her for having a loving family and a big home. Although she inhabits the basement, she seems at peace. Hey, I wanted to pretend we were boyfriend and girlfriend when I visited them. She cried when she saw Julian and me together, moved by how the baby responded, and I wanted to hold her and hug her, not recriminate her for anything. Yeah, we did have a little episode, but even that was a sweet moment between us. 

I came to realize that my anger was consuming me, not that I was miserable or anything. Like I told her, I was hormonal. Girl shows up and we hook up, cool but lonely when she resumes her life. I need something steady, not the casual fling, but we'll see how I patch that up. See, stress kills most relationships. I should have been more patient, less confrontational, in harmony like we are nowadays. 

Good, out of all this senseless drama something better emerged. 

Babies make parents emotional and the problems in a small place, with a girl used to fly miles away at a moment's notice and all the financial woes, the silly bickering and the lack of sex, and work, really took a toll on our relationship. We talk of edifying anew, and she wouldn't want me to go, to stay there with them and I may end up doing just so one day, even though we held each other and talked and drank and smoked and laughed together along with her family and Julian. I loved every minute of it. She says she may come, and that she'll go back to flying and be based here in New York. Of course, our lives aren't in pause, I tell her I can only promise chastity if we're intimate at least once in the past 40 days, and quarentine has long shipped. Still though, what it is we now have works for us only if we find ways to make it so, because the truth is... we love in many ways, and I think we are beginning to love each other the right way.