Somewhere along the way, the name of this blog changed. At least five times in less than a decade. Again, change is the order of the day. We shed our skin like snakes, less visibly so but not a whole lot differently. This very moment is up for review. If only all aspects in the encyclopaedic ramifications of these mental prosthetics that we stumble upon would suddenly manifest in such a way that signify something greater than ourselves as we are now. And as we venture in our daily outposts, know that the road ahead has already been mapped out inwardly.
And throughout the years, the literacy's caliber upped, the erudite aim evolved, one word clicked away at a time, once more, morphed into something other than its original form.
Nothing stays the same for long. It's an assertion that should make every moment unique and precious in time; when you engage yourself in activities that demand more of you (if you happen to be a slacker) or learn how to put off that neurotic self of yours aside, the one always bent on endless pursuits of productivity, and find space to completelyly let go, making time to simply be (if you're the busy type, find time to relax and unwind).
Every bit of cosmic space is filled with a world of potentialities, and we choose to tune in to a singular frequency. The grain that harbours a kingdom within that Jesus spoke of (one of the greatest analogies ever devised) can be explained by quantum physics. Centuries before Christ, Buddhism talked about the concept of singularity that, in essence, all observable phenomena and everything that crosses its colloquial path, is essentially one single thing. There are no stars "above"; we're all part of it, a cosmological tree that branches out on and on and on. There's no independent outer world from the inner world of our experience. It's all an optical illusion.
Not a fraction of a moment has passed before these words shift and mutate from a vague thought process (it is possible from a quantum principle that the present really came before that which has come to past) into a more concerted effort, like that of a carefully-structured sentence that latches unto another until a paragraph comes full circle.
We've all been dealt a bad hand before and it's just a matter of mind before we get short end of the proverbial straw. It's how that awkward randonmness that Einstein resisted so much works, spooky behavior from a distance: particles that stem from an original point in time can still affect one another across the vastness of space as if they were right next to each other. In . It juggles all the equations and leaves you empty-handed with a full deck of cards revealed and spread in a rainbow shape on a flat surface. Life then takes aim at that which you foresee and all else ceases to exist as your focus is fixed on a unique path. You choose to experience this presence as a transient being traveling light years away. All other plausible conclusions, parallel to your condition and all within your realm of possibilities, come to an abrupt end. Be mindful of the mind you inhabit as it tends to be fixated on a few items at a time. The trick (for lack of magic) is to somehow harness the most pressing matter at hand, whatever your obsession might be, temper your edge, seize this moment, make it your bitch.
in which life can pull at you from every direction and torn you apart into a million pieces.
We may deem it "love", it encompasses several stages that can be interchangeable (that is lust can be followed by feelings of attachment. It all depends on how the brain administers and in what dosage, as phases go from mild intetest to full-blown attraction; along those lines, lust. You can only be who you are so long as the flood of dopamine rushes through your neural network. It has ancestry and our nature will naturally oblige, but you can master your impulse and temper your response. It is a pleasure to be such a well-trained dog, not running around sniffing strangers. Dogs with a purpose exude the animalistic demeanor that they are there for a reason, a predetermined purpose to be fulfilled.
Things get weird under the influence of love. It has a simple home-made remedy that's worked for thousands and thousands of years: space. Make space between you and the rest of the world. Not for nothing the universe is vastly empty, although this assumption may prove to be part of a long string of adaptations, space not really being a vacuum as previously thought; space is not "nothing", it can bend, it can ripple through the fabric of time. Space is all there is and it can't be extracted from the equation or put aside. Space is gravity and it has a close relationship with all objects that seemingly hang on spatially. All that surrounds us is inseparable from the observer (the one experiencing such phenomenon) and thus its legitimacy can be compromised. This much is true: whatever we adopt as truth can be replaced or updated like all else in life's constant atate of flux. We either adapt in order to survive, or else we perish. More than perfect eyesight, a vision is required.
Or maybe you're not the esoteric type.
You don't see clearly; suddenly, not only do you fail to see things objectively (thanks to the brain's intricate mechanism to make you fall madly in love and paint things peachy and seeing reason as a liability), it starts to see things that are not really there. Oh the abominable things we do in the name of love.
Men are far worse. Needless to say, not all of us are created equally. It all boils down to which voice you listen to inside your head. In case you didn't notice, your mind likes to play games with you. In fact, that's all the mind seems apt fot.
Following your conscience and doing the moral thing requires a value-bases infrastructure that most of us simply lacked in our upbringing.
*Don't be lazy: go to the gym, don't procrastinate much, keep up with productivity, do the groceries, cook your own meals. Again, I speak of my own list. If others find it in themselves, they can run their own drills, let their actions do the talking. It lacks tactfulness to tell others how to lead their lives. Only the true hungry that give chase and kill their own prey, allegorically speaking, know the taste of satiety.
*Be straightforward; goal-oriented. Pleasure is in taking care of business. Drop the pretense. You get off in getting them hooked on you. That we can't hold each other closer, or talk more freely with one another and open links to an unbounded source of inspiration ripe there in connecting with others. We're way too impersonal, if not overtly friendly. There's a leverage, a middle ground that allows for us to mingle and be slightly more social and open, especially if it's people you see everyday. You can't help but to be social in a hyper-interpersonal environment such as this. People's tact and right to decency, freedom of speech as far as not even caring what you think of me. Whether you flatter me (polite smile) or disapprove of me (indifference), the universal truth of unity holds that, at the core, you and I and everything in-between us simultaneously are, were, will and would be, all potentialities exist and choosing the one in which I give a damn about what downers think of me, it'd be a complete waste of my energy. And more than time which is never fixed nor ever at the same speed though constantly in flux, unless, of course, it comes to a standstill, not completely of courses but slow enough that someone outside of our dimension can clearly observe that we have come to a slowing of things to a degree that it looks like time has come to a pause.
Is time as weird as physicists say? Even more so than we'd like to pretend. We attract one another for reasons not always so cut and clear but seem to obey laws of nature such as aesthetics (looks), gait (style, neatness) and charm (it's like an aura that emanates from within and pours unto everything that we become involved in, how you make others feel and how argubly receptive you are as to how they view you)
You can't be needy. It's not the same as having needs.
Anyone can feel the alluring presence of someone that strikes our fancy. It's not Mr. Spock shit either. Learn to maneuver life's twists and yet when it comes to emotions, you're still a mess. No one taught us any better. But just like you can learn how to be more active and challenge yourself physically, you can pick up ways to deal with fatherhood (daddy and mommy issues, childhood skulls, the body-count of teenage years and how we somehow, short of miraculous, survived it.
Lack of emotion is a trait psychopaths exhibit. What we're dealing with is far less psychotic but rudeness in others is a sign of decadence. Some even take pride in their unpleasantness. That's far from the things I hereby stand. You want to keep that which brings you down in the maybe pile. You can pick at it with a casual lover who'd whip you into shit and put you in touch with that inner little girl only the truly feminine c
MEN ARE MORE VISUAL
We see body parts, pretty faces. We fail to see that girl with the symmetrical ass has an unbearable mouth. At the expense of your intellect, you spent your time paying more attention to her lips than the words uttered in between. I don't go for just anyone; I hunt big prey. I love, like everyone else, a challenge.
Some of us are ruled by ideas of honor. Maybe we watched too many ancient films, who knows? It could be that we impartially rule in favor of madness when in love. The fact is, I speak from collective experiencrs, an accumulation of anecdotes and personal accounts; everywhere you go, the same predicament is made in stone about love. It kind of has mixed reviews, so why is it that we tend to focus on love when we're dealing with strangers and attraction, things can get so irrational. That we start off with the presumption that since we are seeking out someone to love in love. It depletes the effort, it becomes predictable, even boring. We shouldn't take niceness and friendliness as more than pathways that connect with others at a level that doesn't stop just because it can become sexual. Attraction is irrational. It happens all around us. It can be consuming.
You need that rush when her eyes meet yours and cool the intensity with which you experience the heightened traits of feminine aura her presence casts. Only men can remain completely sure of themselves, receptive to what else is going on. It would've been a lot easier if I were at a bar and with someone I may not run the risk of seeing the next day at work. Having someone to take care of, someone to chill with and someone who needs you (again, it's not just me, a lot of men, even women, feel that way. Not that they'd want anything to do with a needy child. A real man would just walk over and ask her out for without the slightest shred of care, eyes fixed on her. You want to make sure she feels you before you open your mouth. The less you say, he better. You can stay quiet so long as you know how to carry your loved one to a state of quietude. It's okay not to say anything, especially when there is nothing significant to report. That's what her girlfriends are for. Like her friend the neighbor downstairs who spends time with us just being: drinking wine, eating, watching smart TV on mute, listening to music.
It was long ago that I rooted out the party out of me. I can't stay up past ten and always make sure I put in seven hours of sleep at least. On my only day off, either Saturday or Sunday, I oversleep and nap but always make time for the kid. My ten year old Steph.
We rule ourselves first and what better way to rule than rooting out the excess and sticking with the very essentials. You don't need anyone; you don't want anyone too needy either. Women run away from needy men. They'll walk circles around you if you exude that take-it-or-leave-it hostage situation attitude.
You can preferably choose to be more acquainted than other regulars you come across day in and out. It simplr, we are Do not think with your ego and get discouraged because the one doesn't respond to your first attempt. You need to exude confidence which is the appearance of always being in control. Nothing is more seductive in nature than being somewhat aloof and really mean it at the core. Don't just pretend to be tough; be tough. Character, like muscle, is built. You go through rites that are nothing other than challenges ahead. You device a way to slay a dragon (doing something extraordinary that you have had in mind as a milestone in your personal dwvelopment, not just what everyone says you should do or however they want you; people rarely come around their own projects, achievements that have universal appeal like getting in great shape or saving some money and going on an adventurous vacation).
We need to take it slow. We need to hunt big prey in the sense that they take longer digestion and therefore you get to slowly devour them like a snake would. It is a simple analogy to adhere by, that your aim is fixed on the midterm goals (those that shouldn't take a lifetime commitment and, sometimes, the beginning of a long-term vocation or long-held ambition), midterm relationships (neither short nor long-term, ranging somewhere between a few months and a thousand nights). These "midterm" goals will have the best of both worlds: in a midterm relationship, it has the intensity of short-term and the calm tempest of a long-term.
Like snakes, I digest things slowly, and I can go months without a bite. I think we should spend our time doing the things that bring you the most joy: meditation, fitnesswork, healthy lifestyles and being bad sometimes. How could you separate the good from the bad? Bad is when it causes others direct harm. Good is whatever feels right without endangering ourselves.
LOVE IS WEIRD
I called it "love" but it really should be more like infatuation, fixation, a crush... something closer to an addiction, really. In some cases, it's best to depend on drugs than others because at least drugs you can provide yourself and you need to be clever either way. You need to stand out in a good way. In the beginning, it's best to keep things casual. It's small talk and trivialities. It's actually kind of fun until somewhere in the course of your adolescence, you find women everywhere irresistible. You tame that inner void that signals neediness and/or desperation. You can't run away from them and you can't face them. I find astounding the fact that most men go through their lives without the slightest intent to make sense of the object of their obsession. As far out and foreign as women may seem, there's a logic to them, a method to the madness.
Love makes things weird. It makes daily life psycho-rollercoaster. It seems at times that it is devoid of meaning, downright nonsensical. But it is the only thing that makes sense, that we should fall madly in love and gladly put up with the emotional upheavals.
Let's put things in perspective. There's a reason why I don't abandon my strict position and go giving chase after that most alluvial Centaurus.
If I had made a move on someone, it wouldn't have had lasted this long. The reason why it's so alluring and enticing is that it is, in many ways, forbidden. You see each other every day, of course, there's going to be a connection that will only strengthen in time. I may have indirectly helped a lot of people put up with a competitive corporate world and prosper in a career at big pharma just so that we could see each other every morning. Well, it couldn't hurt. I get paid to assist others and make sure that the rules by which I abide myself are followed. Other than that, it's all pure fun. I get paid, in many ways, to see people I love to interact with. It's part of the reason why I've aged so gracefully. People are people regardless of the strict norms by which they abide. There will always be curiosity, temptation awaits at each corner. It is because you know that that is the case and admit that you've succumbed to a state of temporary madness. Sure, I may sound like a cynic. But I won't stay up all night worried you don't agree. In love, you will seek out something foreign to you. You will deeply miss the other. You will look for ways to see that person. To hear from them and all about them. It's more akin to an addiction. It may sound harsh but chemistry similar to that of an addict resembles the brain of some in love. Love is a very powerful cocktail of subversive hormones and the compelling chemistry that supplies us with elated feelings of well-being is nothing more than a chemical reaction in your brain that will take place whenever the object of your affection is anywhere in sight. Of course, by your late teens you should understand this phenomenon a lot better and find it imperative to keep your composure, be cool and make others feel that whatever they go through in their dealing with you, is not taken personally. People may feel bad or not be in the mood. In some cases, there are girls who have never spoken to me even though they spend a substantial amount of time around. They wrestle inside, obviously taken by you. You treat them with the same respect you would anyone else. Sure, they know themselves more special because you make them feel so. You pay attention to them, the way they walk in. How people handle themselves. It's usually other guys who shun me. They slander me. Never in my face and not that I'll be all uppity about it either. Just that you know that at least they give you the respect of talking behind your back. I don't spend a lot of time on haters. These are people who suck up your best efforts; they rarely reciprocate and always are looking for that edge. It's okay to use one another once in a while, but no abuse. You keep abusive people at a prudent distance, do not engage them unless under your terms and always be indifferent in a way that doesn't let on just how much you quietly despise them. Still, though, do stuff for others, even haters sometimes need a hand. It's not hypocrisy. It's work. You don't bring your drama from home and you take no drama home. It's easy to be drama-free. It requires some commitment though. I can teach you all about it. Accepting others and not trying to change them; brushing off other people's disapproval of us. We get to live our lives so long as we let others live theirs. Otherwise, it is just a prison in which we serve time so that our significant other feels validated and his ego intact. We can either love or choose freedom. It requires guys to do the latter.
Of course, I chose myself for years. I lived three years of my son's life with his mom and I thought it wouldn't be healthy for him to see his parents in a loveless relationship. He grew up autistic and it took a severe blow to her health and quality of life overall.
I would spend time with him in my place, both my boys love spending time with their dad. It's a boot camp up in here.
Yeah, I'm improvising. I never saw much of my father and the little that I saw wasn't much, but it was some. We men can grow apart in our intimate relationship but not away from our kids. We don't need to see our kids every day but as a weekend dad, I was. I felt it was necessary to chip in with his upbringing.
His mom's health deteriorated. She was assigned a home attendant and administered a whole variety of prescription drugs. Some for sleep, others for her mood disorder. She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I experienced firsthand the desolate conditions in which they lived, in a tiny apartment in the Bronx, along with her son who in his mid-twenties, driving around in a BMW and contributing little at home. The one-bedroom apartment was his bachelor's pad, his personal motel, his place to eat and have his clothes washed and stay up till dawn playing video games high in front of the smart Samsung TV.
I suggested he gave his mom a bit more, some monetary relief, some incentives. After all, she was his cook and his maid all in one. He didn't oblige and it escalated one night after which he simply picked up and left. I had made him uncomfortable until he left, and I thought it was the best for everyone, especially for him.
I love that kid. He has a lot going for himself now. He even left us the TV.
Now he's finally settled down with just one of the two girls he was seeing. I told him it made no economic sense to cheat and it wasn't worth the headache. What's worse, it denotes an inner void. A lack of character is not showing temperance. Eventually, he sold the BMW and got his own place. His girl moved in with him. They now have plans of having a baby, marriage, and travelling.
I've missed people I've grown accustomed to: and I yearn just as much. But the world we inhabit in our illusion is very distinct from reality. Love makes things complicated, unnecessarily so. Even when we have a leash on the savage underneath the clothes and all the social attires endowed. Nothing feels quite as thrilling as finding yourself centerpiece of a corporate obsession to possess me. Do I play along? Well, I can be impartial but you know how others turn everything into a meaningful picture. I am very cordial, personable but you can't help finding other people interesting, some intellectually, some are into fitness, others are into Game of Thrones, and I think fantasies are a very healthy human expression and it keeps us engaged and connected. We cannot help but to succumb to the imagination even when we think we are being logical and eloquent, what we really are saying is: "Look at me! Look at me!" The narcissistic is me screams for silence and looks within, as if to say, I see the pain, is all around. If you are not to contribute, at least leave those that do alone.
Narcissism aside, we are into ourselves to a deplorable degree and we're never gonna get over our ego. Ego is who we are and what we stand for and what we believe. Ego has a lot of pride in it, so we can only speak of ego in a healthy dose. We can use this to illustrate a Buddhist principle: the Middle Path. It's a recurrent idea, one that illustrates just how right all of those "enlightened" noble truths the Buddha spoke of. There's some ego in that, but not enough to evoke arrogance. It's a healthy way of showing off, not to make someone feel bad. On the contrary: people around feel the pull of your presence. You can go and have fun, just not too much of it. Be all about style and sport a neat appearance and well-groomed hygiene, but add more substance to it. Don't let them get too used to the way you do them. Lovers are in for the thrill, not the lesson.
It's not arrogance; it's spotless presence, poised and brief, open and yet elusive.
Be open to everything; and bounded by nothing.
-Wayne Dyer.
I remember reading Dyer in my late teens. It was earth-shattering.
Books literally saved me. And so as a payback to all those writers past and present, I started writing. I'm proud to say it's gotten me into trouble with loved ones. So, I no longer write about them. If I do, it's always with a pseudonymous name, always embellishing shit. Some argue shit is always the same. That's not true, if you look closely. shit is never the same. But the analogy serves to illustrate the fact we nothing is as it seems and nothing is the way we see it. We experience reality in accordance to our own delusions. We all live in a self-tailored fantasy fitted to the personal dimensions of our capacity to dream. Our lives are probably more dull than we let on.
I wouldn't go so far as to admit that I read this line probably somewhere around here before.
That's how love is. It makes things weird. It paints things more rosy than they actually are and oftentimes, it takes wild turns.
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