Making progress

Today I received a letter announcing the eligibility of a poem I entered in a competition more than a month ago for the prize. It is the third of its type in less than nine months. I have entered randomly at different times and locations into four competitions. Three of them have given me results. I am still hopeful that the forth poem comes back to me, like the rest of them have, with pride. I may have committed a mistake in the entering process because I haven’t heard from my Mirror of Selves. Isn’t that curious? I focus vaguely on the one that didn’t come back to me, the one that is not to be published as every other (including the one mentioned) has by, for instance, poetry.com. I don’t fancy myself a great poet. Certainly, given my intelligence (that’s right), I am above average in poetry, just as I am in every single task I undertake. Well, that’s enough of me. The publisher is to honor me by, well, publishing me. This is not the second time I will be potentially published. It is the third. First, there was poetry.com, the International Library of Poets; secondly, the so-called Society of Famous Poets; and thirdly, this one, JMW publications or something. It’s great ego-massage. But what am I to do? Now you could make an engine search in yahoo or google, and find me listed as a poet. That’s not enough. I am currently immersed into several promising projects and I will choose one of them to be published. I have found books-on-demand sites not so far from what I have in mind in case I am taken lightly by traditional standards. A novel or a selection of poems or both. Whatever it is that feels more proper. Well, it might sound a bit pretentious and not-so-well thought out but I am at work, tired and thinking of going home. Besides, no one in their right mind is reading this now or eagerly waiting to read it later. So, I focus on a few uplifting ideas, carry them through to completion and then go back for some more. I am, well, achieving and it feels great to know that it is actually easy. We’ll see how things go.

No, I haven’t been paralyzed nor am I in a lethargic state once more. I have vigorously pursuit my idea of a better man: I have bought trendy presents for my family here in NY. I sent money to my biological father (a funny story behind this), and my sister, who has brought to my knowledge her trip to Venezuela. But if I put in paper all of the activities I engaged on during this time, I will come up short. I am, however, not an exceptional being. At least, not yet. But in time I will be far better than I am now. I crave independence and realization. But I don’t want to hurt the people involved in my life at this time. I have found a way to keep these ambivalent forces in balance. I work more and I have been more tolerant. Anxiety has receded sporadically. I do spend every waking moment sculpting landscapes, forging personal alliances to bring this inner show to the wild outdoors. I am not fighting with myself as most people may find themselves on occasions. I am making progress.