Conundrum

We speak unfavorably about the ego. Ego is what we are, nonetheless. It is a battle of the egos, whether we decide to forgive or to resent, when we hate those we love..usually, it's all just a way to stroke our narcissistic pole.
The reason we choose to be more spiritually evolved than the norm, but not make it the norm to acquire ever so higher states of goodness and righteousness, is because we deal with  the not-so-ideal, based, demeaning world of ours: it doesn't pay to exhibit manners among troglodytes. How our ego then works as a time management tool, deflating the blows by maneuvering in the ambivalence between utter indifference and downright arrogance.
If you suddenly decide to rid of your ego, it's cause enough to make someone else's ego enlarged; so, say I go about apologizing for the err of my ways and trying to patch things up, I'd be doing so just to make myself feel better, and in the end the recipient may appreciate more the self-esteem boost paid by the compliment than the messanger's well-intended act. Indelibly, love is both: selfless and selfish.
Nothing makes us happier- or should anyway- than making others feel good. It's that simple: if we do good is because it feels good; therefore, altruism is filtered egotism, and one may take offense when our "good intentions" fall on deaf ears.

This shouldn't mean the ego is bad. Or good, for that matter. It is a survival mechanism and as such: it reacts at the slightest threat. It magnifies offences: if anything reeks of urgency and demands a great deal of drama, then it sure has the ego as the perpetrator. The ego is a self-serving despot. It self-proclaims itself king, but has no truce, no peace of mind in mind. First she had to endure the boring Christmas eve night at my family's. Then she's nice enough to bring a cake and get you a really sweet Gucci cologne; you, on the other hand, forget her tanning gift certificate which she options you to keep or give away (one suggestion, she adds, my cousin Eve).And on top of that you give her shit because we didn't take any pictures.
When, in reality, you resent her for not going to your place. She only spent last week seeing you every night!

You ought to listen to your ego and then do the opposite it says. You can instill others with your courageous soul, win all battles, but you won't go far without pride in this culture. That's what makes acts of kindness more rare, but if we dare go beyond our comfort zone and reach out to those we cherish the most from time to time, that's a healthy dose of ego, otherwise known as pride.
And you won't get far with too much of it either. Too much of it is arrogance. You need to be bold and seize the right moment.
You need balance. The right amount of good and the right amount of bad. Not bad in the mean-spirited way, but of the naughty, cunning kind. Treat others well and give up your need to control. Arrogance should never be rewarded but it can easily be a case of inexperience. Maybe things are going too fast for her as they appear to go slow for me, maybe a little patience is exerted by letting her cool off. And if she doubts my resolve, then it's just a matter of proving her wrong.

More importantly, I will prove myself by claiming my independence, by continuing the pursuit of personal goals, by actively engaging in more ambitious projects... not just by hanging my happiness around her neck. Women can sense when you make them the center of your life, they only want to be an important part of it. Your woman wants a man she can look up to. Do the hard work at hand and only then can you tend to anything other. Don't wait forever. It takes patience and dedication. Give yourself time to recuperate. Time to envision the path ahead once we find the way out of this conundrum.