Beautiful Rain

The moral of the story, of course, is not in going back. We move forward. It's always the same story. Of course, we like happy endings, but in reality there's no such a thing. We will perhaps one day arrive there, with someone else, but not here, not now. Not anymore, anyway. 

I knew the end from the beginning. It's of no use to regret what takes place; it's a useless exercise. The important thing is to recognize where we can improve, and invest our energy on that front. There's no use in moping around, feeling sad, angry, confused, disillusioned; in healthy doses, and for sometime, it may be the norm. People exist in our minds, and we fall in love with the idea of a person, sometimes taking for granted the actual person. Love is not about setting limits to others, we should encourage our loved ones to be happy, to express themselves, to grow and prosper. There are three ways of loving:

• Dependency, or the love a child feels for his mother: you can be the egotistical child who wants "mommy" only for yourself, not really caring for her needs and feelings but throwing tantrums and mirroring her moves, so as to get her attention. You cause mayhem and you know mommy can never stop loving you, which emboldens you, making you feel enabled. And, of course, later in life you don't take rejection kindly. It is only natural that if you spend enough time with someone you share and live with, feelings of kindness and warmth toward that person will only grow, making cute episodes of jealousy, so long as these are manifestations of love, not based on anger; because love can be childish so long as you don't suck the air out of the relationship by turning too clingy, becoming a blood-sucking leech. 

• Unconditional Love, the kind only a mother can genuinely feel but we should all try to emulate: A mother has no choice but to love her child. Nature did not leave to chance such decision. It is not up to her. A good mother's love is full of patience, kindness, discipline, acceptance, and it is not always "unconditional" as there are certain behaviors and rituals expected of us all since the day we're born. A mother can love more than one child; a child has nothing more than one mother. Mother's love is dedicated, too. It is consuming, and easily the most rewarding. We should all aspire to the idealized love of a mother. Of course, it is only true metaphorically speaking, not all mothers are good and no two mothers are alike. But more or less, women generally are better suited for love. It just fits them so well. 

Take things with a light heart next time around. Do the same with the past: say goodbye without the slightest shred of regret, with a grateful and humble heart. Others may not see eye to eye, so let them be blind to their hatred and discontent; as for those who hesitate to or do not share your enthusiasm, do not mind them. The hard thing is not changing other people's mind, but that of our own. We forgive and let go so that we can lay down the burden carried atop our shoulders, set it aside and move on. It's a selfish act to forgive, a favor you're doing to yourself. Peace of mind is in how I choose to believe things. There's no point in blame, guilt, rancor, in farther escalation. We do have our antics in place, but I've become a ghost before and I can do it again. Why share your life, in any way, with someone from your past? I went and found someone else, met a beautiful girl with whom I get to play the new role. 

Here's the thing. These aren't just words and in finding out about anger, I read different religious texts. Look, I'm not trying to be less angry to make someone in my life happier. It's because it makes me happy to know that I am capable of changing for the better.

No one wakes up and says, "Today is a good day to get angry." Even though, on a daily basis, that's just what we do. And the worst part is, we dump the biggest load on our loved ones. Sometimes we give strangers the discretion and courtesy that we lack in dealing with loved ones. 

All of this may seem a bit too precipitated. People under certain psychological conditions take longer to bounce back from things, so I put in place the positive steps that will accelerate the process but, most importantly, the things that hold you back. 

First off, denial. We can hide behind a false sense of safety and contentment, if we don't suffer things well. Look, it hurts, you can't sleep, you lose weight. Big deal. You're a big boy and you know the drill, if you can't stomach it, then you shouldn't have eaten it. You know how to deal with pain, how you either change the things you can and accept the ones you cannot fix. We can't go back in time and get back what we've lost. 

Other triggers you can avoid or lessen or manage until you tip the balance in your favor. But you'll never get to rip the benefits of tomorrow's harvest, we can only plant our seed, it grows daily but never at a speed that is noticeable to the naked eye. We've known this ailment throughout our lives and it's been mostly fun. But if you go out, and drink too much, you'll get a hangover. Feeling bad is how the body and the mind purge the bad out. You get in proportion the same withdrawal effects and depending on the high, then the longest and more intense the low.The solution isn't simple. It's called time. It's what we feel we don't have. But there are things you can do with your time that will make the time more bearable, even productive. First, something happens to pain when you simply acknowledge it as such: "It hurts." You do not fight it. You don't dwell in it. You simply accept it. You breath deeply, hold your breath and exhale slowly. You exercise. You stop going out, and you read tons of articles. If, like me, you have a hobby, or an artistic inclination, indulge. You no longer have to take your shoes off. Instead of going out and meeting people, I can do without the social element. Sure, I consume social media, but I'm often offline, not really connected all day long. I post baby pics mostly on Instagram and then, all of a sudden, one day I opened the door to this roommate of mine who happened to have fifty thousand followers on Instagram. With her, I get to practice this new me. It makes total sense, I give more and I get a whole lot more in return. I get the complete opposite of what I had: a girl who is social and on demand. She's rather sedentary when in love and texts me all day long and says she misses me and becomes jealous. I love it. But she doesn't overdo it, either.

The answer is space, too. I do make space with my girl, I don't text her as often, I don't get weird if she decides to go out with her friends and I don't try to go out in retaliation. I get to have the place to myself, we already live together so a little time apart won't hurt, she can text and be on the phone all day long cultivating her fans online. She has more than a quarter of a million followers on Facebook. I'm not one of them. Her pictures are public, so I liked them, and since she gets so many Likes, she didn't even notice.
Choose happiness: Usually, people will judge you if you move on too fast, criticize if your progress is slow; no matter what, making others happy with your decisions shouldn't be among your list of priorities. You should only have into consideration yourself, so long as your choices do not cause others misery, forget others. People who love you will love you regardless, and if they don't like you, no matter how much you try to impress them, it's not going to work. It is not in their disposition to give what they don't have or feel for you. This is a time to be selfish, go ahead, indulge. And if you do it right, if you exercise, put the work in, tend to your affairs, meditate and practice kindness of heart, you can find joy within. There's time for adventure virtually anywhere; you'll find a girl and you will fall in love again. We all do. But first, let's work on building our foundation. Love is accidental. And since it dulls the pain, we all crave it like a palliative, but it's best to confront our pain, to evolve... and sometimes, when you look back, it seems light-years away the distant memory of the past.
Choose to remember the good, don't be so hard on yourself. Surrender to whatever it is you're feeling; don't fight it, just immerse yourself in and be one with it. It sucks when it rains but it can't pour forever, and if it does, well then it's time to get your shoes wet, go dancing in the rain. It's been raining for days. Rain is beautiful.