Murphy's Law

The money I got from my retirement account was enough to pay what I owe in rent and have some leftovers, but not having my license renewed left me with just enough to survive until I work myself back up to glory. I've enlisted myself in the Fire Safety Director course for the second week of January, 2015, and by February, when the income tax return money kicks in, I will have more than plenty to cover the rest of my debts and some of the plans envisioned. Every cent will be invested in such a way that it will return its value tenfold. 

When I first envisioned going for the FSD license, I was told it was silly of me to pay for my own course. But I did, and it worked as planned, the money I invested in it was reimbursed in dividends two weeks later, as my salary had increased by 30%. By the end of 2015, I want to be more professionally marketable than now, earning above $20 an hour, even if I have to find another job in my new position. Plans would've been sped up if I hadn't been out of work for almost two months due to my security license not being renewed on time before its expiration date. Of all the people I owe, my greatest debt is to my former lover, ironically, which adds to my shame! I bought food items on Amazon with the card she had on file in my account, out of sheer necessity, with the promise -as of yet unfulfilled- that I will pay her back. 

Before she left, she gave me $50 which I stretched for three weeks, buying the most absolutely essential items to survive: half a gallon of the cheapest Vodka, tuna and sausages, the cheapest possible meats, after having paid my $25 monthly Metropcs talk&text phone plan. I'd go to the Union Turnpike Starbucks to use the WiFi and try to find roommates on the Craigslist website. I found myself dumped, heart-broken and broke, a pending eviction case stemming back from April, roommates that would come and go unannounced and create more financial burden than economic relief. Some potential roommates like the girl who left her deposit $600 and some brand new broom, mop and detergents that she did not get to use in the cleaning of her room to be. She cried over the fact that her parents had not approved of her moving in. I gave her back her first month and kept the deposit and from thereon, I warned all my potential roommates to be that if they decided to move out before the end of the month, only half of their deposit will be returned. This particular girl even hooked me up with her own Time Warner account (which, as of today, two months since she left, I still enjoy!) and connected the HBO GO app on my Roku device: I was able to revisit and complete televised HBO programming such as Boardwalk Empire and started watching other famed series, like Game of Thrones. Oh, what a delight tour de force it is! 

A day before the retirement plan check for $5,876, the lights were turned off. I walked into my apartment and slept in darkness, just as I have lived for quite sometime. Like Murphy's Law stipulates, Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Every action taken to avoid being evicted from my place, priority number one in my list, had not gone as planned. It took longer than I had expected to receive the hardship loan requested, but I persevered in calling everyday and fight for it, making demands, pushing the issue over the phone with Mercer representatives, sending mail back and forth with the required info that would facilitate the transaction, until it finally happened. It was my doing and I was glad when I opened the mailbox and saw the check there. I looked at it from every angle, as if I had given birth to it by pushing and pushing with all my might and strength to see it come to light. 

And, of course, upon receiving my check, the first person I thought of was my former lover. She has given me more than all of the roommates I have had combined, as she paid for her deposit and had already paid her month when she left. Not to mention the fact that I destroyed her brand name sunglasses which she bought on Saks Fifth Avenue for almost $500. Or $350, or whatever other obscene amount of money. I, for one, used to buy me a pair of Aldo shoes every week I got paid, when I was still living with Beth and had only one son. I was assistant manager back then to a small security firm out of New Jersey. The company had even lent to me a car with the company signature and paid for my driving classes so I could get my driver's license. It was wrong of me to try and cage a rare and beautiful specimen, becoming overtly jealous and possessive. I've lived and if only I had been slightly more patient and less intense, things would've worked out differently. Of course, there's Murphy's Law to attest to it, that not all things that can go wrong will go wrong eventually, but the inevitability of it, the chaos that slowly fills its quota and breathes in and out of every organic fiber, tearing it apart bit by bit and inevitably ending is, of course, undeniable. We may say, If such law stands, how come a comet hasn't hit earth, for instance? Since everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, why is the world and the human race still standing? Give it time, all in time will vanish, to paraphrase the second law of thermodynamics that, in time, everything will turn to shit. The key word to the law is "Will", which doesn't mean it's happening anytime soon, but invariably, it will take place notwithstanding. 

Think of all the relationships you know. Either lovers achieve plateau (in psychology, a period of no improvement or learning in an individual's effort to move forward) and find some sort of contentment in the status quo (comfort in the way things are), or the relationship, more often than not, deteriorates and plummets. Ultimately, all things must come to an end. Life constitutes a phenomenon in the sense that it goes against such predicament. In other words, life goes against nature in that it grows and prospers up until certain point, before the body and mind begin their unavoidable decline into old age and eventually death, as the absolute finality. In some cases, though, the opposite is observed, you can almost say with a level of confidence that whatever can go right will go in the right direction and it happens, for some, at least. But these are rather the exceptions to the rule. Usually, beauty turns ugly, backstabbing people do their bidding, and we pay dearly for every pleasure life or the universe, or whatever divine entity of your choosing, has afforded you with. If we drink excessively, we get a hangover; and, if we overeat and do not exercise, we're bound to get fat. It takes a great deal of effort to counter the formidable forces of doom. It starts with being fully aware and passionately alive. Go and work out, live in peace, make good lifelong friends and become more a lover, less of a hater. Loving people ages gracefully, and hate has acidic properties, it will wrinkle your flawless skin (it will loosen the tightness of elasticity) and make it sag. 

In the end, gravity always wins. We live in a world that is part of a universe that is marked for extinction ever since it began. It may not happen today or tomorrow, but it will happen. The word universe is composed of two, "uni" meaning "one" and "verse" meaning various. Everything and everyone in it is part of this chaotic force that drives anything and everything there is, and no one is separate from the whole. The people we see and the things we love, the places we've visited and this very day that has come to an end, is part of an endless decaying entity that goes from a higher form of energy to a lower kind. Therefore, everywhere I find it fit, I always declare war on this unbreakable law. Through writings, such as in this blog, I survive the memory of my past as you cannot rely on memory to keep track of all that's experienced. People in my life who know me the least often wondered and even asked me personally how can I go from one relationship into another, and I often say: "Hey, I'm forty years old, I don't have the luxury of sitting around moping over what is left behind!" In essence, it's true: I used to wait for a period of forty days before I venture into another lover's arms. It doesn't take me long to find a suitable partner. I've been very fortunate with women in my life, starting with my mom and all the lovers I've had, four sisters, countless girl cousins, it is as if my whole life there were a predominantly higher amount of women. And if I think of the most important and crucial relationships, women have held the most key roles in it, even when it comes to influential teachers. Just like I have chronicled in my lover's blog, www.ritesofpassagesintomanhood.blogspot.com, women have been of essence. To them, I owe the gift of literature. But learning, I've mastered reading great men, dead and alive, and that I owe too. But that'd be subject for another day.