I'm starving here

I exercised and then showered, got dressed from the bottom up, and Isabel got home a little while ago complaining, as usual, about the mess caused during her absence. I tried cleaning up some of the conditions occasioned, but forgot details like the coffee stains on the stove, around the computer, her standards are just too high when it comes to neatness. That is fortunate for me. But maybe we could rid ourselves of the nagging. She cooks deliciously, a sexual Amazon who inherited all the hot tropic of her island, Dominican Republic, faithful as an ugly nun but a very nicely kept body and her share of good-looks. I am starting to have my doubts about going to Queens. Isabel is not crazy about the idea, and the only motive behind it is to save face with my family. There are technical obstacles, like the fact we both work tomorrow. She does so in the morning, and I, in the evening. I could, ideally, go by myself and excuse her for not being with me. And then leave, like I did on Christmas Eve. But the problem is I had said I would spend it with my family and my aunt asked for me. What I could do, and seemed excited to so, is go and have a blast myself. Then call Isabel and take her out later in the night. An idea she doesn’t seem to object to. Besides, I want to see them all before the year ends. Call my mother later on, have some champagne, and loud music. I have divided my blood ties, and whatever resolution I take, it will be for sane purposes. It’s hard to claim sanity given the circumstances under which I write. The smell of dog’s urine, the tapping of its nails as he moves about, Isabel’s complaints and now hunger makes harder to concentrate. Now, this last one, hunger, given the privileges of this society, is not a problem at all. Now that Isabel is on the phone, I will eat and get ready to leave the house. I think I might go to my aunt’s house and see what all the excuses of not going are really all about? True, it is far from here, and we don’t have a car. But it still is early and we might make an opportunity to escape this apartment, bursting out our safety bubble. As we have excuses not to do the things we set out to from the start, we also have the opportunity to find reasons justifying them. We could make of this what we want: go to the movies, visit my aunt and leaving before the New Year comes, party there or anywhere. The main idea should include being open and receptive to whatever scenario comes alive, follow our saner impulses, and live a little. Starving myself is not bringing me Nirvana.