Psychological chains

I was asked by my supervisor if I wanted to work tomorrow. I accepted. From the beginning, you could almost hear a voice in me saying, “It’s too much, getting home so late to wake up so early.” Compensation is I get to go home earlier tonight, and it’s only a nine-hour post. If I listen to the voices of doom, laziness will have the better part of me. The most difficult thing about sleep-depravation to gain overtime at work is consenting to do so and then waking up in the morning, because once you get up, the day flies.
Yesterday, I got late. The train, in which I was making excellent time, stopped one station away from home and stayed put for twenty minutes or so without stating the anomaly. With the passage of minutes, anxiety started to mount as the conductor insisted on keeping the passengers on hiatus, I decided to leave the wagon and jump the small metal fence separating me from the station platform. The danger consisted in the train moving as I maneuvered my way out. A homeless man on the other side of the wagon in which I traveled, filled it with his putrefied stench half the car, so I had rushed to the other opposite side, unable to contain myself any longer sitting a bench away from him. Under different circumstances, I would have moved to the next car without a doubt. I wondered silently why I was inflicting such a punishment to myself: I could smell him as I got in, and I could have moved then away from there. But I didn’t and instead I stayed trapped in that sphere where most people spend significant part of their lives in. The fact that I hadn’t moved, since I was making excellent time on my way back on, sank me deep in despair. So, when the train stopped one station away, the paralysis turned into anguish over seconds. For a few seconds, I would get up and look ahead to see if I could make out what was happening. There were no announcements, nothing. My frustration was transparent as others in the same train wagon went about without demanding much, allowing the abuse. I said to myself, “That’s it!” And climbed the fence out just in time to hear the announcement by the conductor explaining there was a sick passenger who was awaiting treatment. So, since there is someone sick in the train, everyone else must remain sick along too. I crawled out and felt instantly better, and I couldn’t care less if I were arrested. I walked home thinking how stuck and impotent I felt, and how many ways we go about tied to psychological chains everywhere. But the fact that I had broken the chain of command and fleeted, I didn’t feel as trapped.