A man in a conversation may brag about how much money he makes. What is he saying really? That what he is, what he stands for, isn't enough. It goes to show why so many men who are wealthy, while devoting so much of their inner strength into the acquisition of material possessions, may disregard other aspects of life and simply suck at, say, the way he interacts and connects with other human beings. In order for such a man to gain the respect and love of a desired woman, he may compensate for his lack in this particular respect with his truly resourceful nature: ambition.
We may have heard over and again that money doesn't equate happiness. Rightfully so, but I would not advocate for poverty either. In a nation as rich as this one, financial lack should not be part of our make-up. It is of no excuse, then, for a man to defend his lack of money with the argument that money isn't all. Because I can't remember a single day as an adult in which the subject of money didn't show up, I recognize the importance of money. While money does not equate happiness, lack of it, in a society such as ours, surely garantees misery. Self-esteem, confidence, shouldn't be matters of acquisition but reflections of our character. Confidence isn't more than the expectation of a favorable outcome. Picture this: a desired salary or goal, the manifestation of a reciprocal feeling in the object of our desire. Let's say then that this person, this job, this title, is somehow promised, realized, and that all you had to do was to just seal the deal by simply walking the part. How would that make you feel? Just picture it for a moment. Got the picture?
Now magnify that picture, say, by a hundred and multiply it by a thousand fold. You're now in front of your ideal job, your perfect home, your most nurturing relationship. How would that make you feel? Got it? Okay, now, for your money's worth, hold it like is something of a huggable size, squeeze it, go ahead. How does that feel?
.... It is this feeling a reality? No, you say. Not yet, anyway. But if you can visualize with certainty, not hope, not desire, but absolute conviction, say, a must... then it is something that you already possess. A quality no one can possibly deny you. It really resides in you. Your job may quit you. You can't quit yourself. Your love one may one day dessert you. You will wish him/her well. But you won't dessert yourself. Your life may be over. But until then, it is yours to decide. Be adventurous in this quest, and walk as if in every footprint you leave behind you're opening giant roads for those following closely behind.
Confidence is a choice. We may focus on things going astray, and we may have a knack for things proving us wrong, but if you turn your head you'll see that there is no wrong or right. We all live under different skies. Suppose you're guy and there's a girl I know whom you're dying to meet. You want to know if she likes you. Suppose then that I find out she really does. That she has confided in me such secret. But I warn you: Don't go there overconfidently because then she'll know I told you so. How will you handle the situation? You'll be, I'm willing to bet, far more relaxed, just not obnoxious. Well, confidence is handling that situation exactly like that: acting from the perspective of someone who knows that he's in for a win-win situation. In life, as in love, confidence is just that: taking action, and doing so with certainty.
I never refer to a girl as being conceited, if she shows off such behavior. I say, she's insecure. And men who are drawn to such types, I believe, are insure in turn. Why pursue a mirage? We naturally attract those souls more akin to ours. We attract what we are. If you're into misery, then misery you shall have. And not that you're going to give in easily, nothing easily acquired is worth your while. The way I see it, a woman may be difficult, just not impossible. But the more sure she is of herself, the more she'll move on towards those more rewarding prospects. She knows if she plays too hard to get, she may lose more than she's willing to bargain for. A man of stature, of integrity, doesn't spend too much of his time chasing after miracles. He is a man of action and if there is none to be had, then he moves on.
Look, I know that all of this sounds a bit like bragging. It's not so much that we don't suffer; it's more that we suffer for the right reasons. And if something or someone is worth our time, then the persuit is on. No ego, no selfishness, no gimmicks. Part of what I hate about the whole culture of dating is that it gives the impression that we, as men or women, have to play certain role in order to find a suitable mate. The reality is far from that truth. In essence, it takes a different mindset to deal with money than relationships. We have to depart from the realization that what we need, we already have. Like a muscle, of course, it has to be developed, and in time, you'll harvest the goods. Don't think for a minute is an effortless process. Effortlessness requires putting some hard time into it. Remember the first time you put yourself behind the wheel with the intention of learning how to drive? Now you do so, and is on auto-pilot, something you do without having to think about it. In some subconscious level, you look at the road ahead, watch for the traffic, have in mind a destination, and even are bound to get pissed off at someone cutting you off. But in reality, it is a process that no longer fills you with that initial anxiety. No need to think "I'm driving now" while you're, well, driving.
Just enjoy the ride and remember: there's no destination in life, just the journey.
THREE TYPES OF PERSONALITY
When it comes to confidence, of course, we can't categorize a whole gama of people under three simplistic labels. Human beings are far too complex, and this is just for the purpose of illustration.
The Overconfident Or Arrogant Type
Of course, if the shoe fits, go ahead... wear it. I think that out of the three types, the one more hidden under denial is the one in question. Well, if you'd like me to spell it out for you, I'll describe you. Whenever you engage in any type of abusive behavior, like demeaning those around, talking louder or walking taller than the rest... When you think that the only way to get ahead is by stepping on top of those weaker than you. You know when you're dealing with a "passive aggressive" and therefore you only mess with this type until the aggressive part doesn't come out. You probably had your brush with the assertive type, and perhaps it seem like a step above the weak kind, but still weak. So you mistakenly messed with this assertive type just to see what he or she is really made of. And this this was really assertiveness all in and out, he or she may have put you in your well desserved place. Look, you will never be confident enough because deep down inside you still hold the backwards notion that the world is flat and that the universe revolves around it. Overconfidence doesn't equate cockiness, and when you add a humorous twist then it no longer reeks of arrogance. Sure, be proud of who you are but really, when was the last time you abandoned your ego and stepped down to a human level and see just how much suffering you are causing in this already tortured land we call earth. In men, it is known as bravado or bulliness; in women, as complete bitchiness. Why don't you just drop dead and die!
The Passive Aggressive
I feel for you guys and by guys, I include girls, too. But in girls, a small percentage of passive-aggressiveness is okay, even incredibly sexy, really. No one, especially men, expect you to go and start a fight. Actually, femenism, as I understand it, has some traits of passive aggressiveness. In other words, women are allowed to display passiveness and to show some aggressiveness, if her ground is tested. For guys, however, it is unexcusable. You, as a man, are supposed to stand your ground boy. How do you know you're passive aggressive? Well, someone messes with you and instead of confidently, that is calmly but firmly, calling them on their shit, you get up in arms ready to fight. To you is either fight or let it slide. There's no honor, and that is spineless.
The Asesertive Type
Ah, Alas, at last... My idol, my hero, you've seen it in very few places but instantly you recognize it. The one who stands for something loyal, something noble, something of essence and ethical. And yet, it may be mischevious, slightly machiavelic, even perverse. This man owns the world and keeps it in balance. It encourages the weak and stands up against the evil, fighting it with the same mean cruel tools. It is the good man multiplied by a thousand. It is a creature who is never at ease unless it attains the next level and while it is on a rise constantly, it is yet levelled, centered, within reach if only for a while. Okay, I may poetizicing it a bit, but I agree with Voltaire when two men stood in front of the king to plea for a single boy. One man said, "I'll teach him science, the math and politics, and the meaning of life" and the latter said, "I will teach him what is to be a good man." The latter won the wise king over. Kudos.
Assertive women, of course, aren't rare in this modern age. Rare only if they happen to be young and beautiful, sadly admitting these traits of youth and beauty are just as essential. She's the goddess, she may still have a bitch inside but only as a time-management tool, that is, to keep idiots away.
She is empathetic, ambitious, tremendously kind and purely feminine. Where are you? Why are you hiding from me? You know you can only run...
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