A Beautiful Lie

Have I ever been to her place? No. I’m not sure she lives where she says she lives. I don’t know any of her friends. The lack of nicotine will unleash the demon in me. Somewhere, I read, studies show that will-power is an illusion, and that whenever we devote ourselves to the causes at heart, we can't tag them all at once, so we work with what we have. First, quit smoking and then move on to bigger, brighter things; but first, this I must endure and this will not be an easy task. It won't be impossible, but I have a way of making it look easy. I don't talk much about it and it hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it'd be. I know, it'd be harder if I let another day pass by, so today would've been harder to quit than three weeks ago. As I look at myself, I treat myself harshly, I am not perfect but I am nonetheless a perfectionist. Just the same, I scrutinize others, with the same loving demonic eyes. 

I see her. She's far more evolved than I was at her age. Women tend to mature emotionally faster than men. I may have been a brighter, more introspective soul back then but there's really no standpoint from which I can compare experiences. 
She's not perfect but seems sweet enough. She fights with smiles, looks, silence, a deep inhalation. But certain things do not paint the fairest picture so no reason why I should go creating my own fairy-tale. 

It says there, she lives in another state, right on her Facebook info. It says, not much more, just a whole bunch of party people in the state she supposedly lives. And she goes there on weekends, to take care of matters that pertain to regular days. She rarely stays over, but she has; no sex, no kiss (yeah, you heard right), just cuddling from time to time. Of course, we were intimate once: no kissing. 

Look, this is a bit strange to me. I said it to her bluntly, "I can take rejection, I can't take uncertainty." Of course, not in those terms, but whenever I get the chance, I make sure she knows where I'm coming from, she can't feel too safe around me but she knows she's safe. I can grab her out of nowhere and kiss her, I grab her ass, I kiss her face, I smell her hair, I feel her skin, and we play the game like the skilled players we are. No jealousy, no drama, so I need to make sure it lasts: no Facebook. 

We all have our flawsand we all know something more of other people. I have yet to know anything based on her Facebook profile. It doesn't say she lives in New York. We all lie, but I don't really know anything else about her. I am a trusted person, and it's because I trust people. She's undoubtedly nice, she has been fun to be around, and I cannot count down the times I see her. It's win or lose. No middle ground for love. 
No place for thirds, we come first. 
Simple love guidelines that help in the process of this beautiful lie.