I'll be bolder: If you know me, you don't tell me anything about someone I care. I will bring it up to that person, just like you would if you were in my position. I don't see how a person tells you something that not only pertains to you, but also someone with whom you have a kid. You see, mean people aren't always mean; but they do show their colors eventually, if you know how to look. They're not always horrible and they'll always smile. You see them come empty-handed to every family event, drink and eat and leave shortly after. You should always give as a man, I'm a decent tipper, I treat people well everywhere I go, and I don't brag about it on Facebook that I pace more than 20,000 steps on any given day; I walk from here to the train station, sometimes wait for the bus and if not, just walk; same thing when I come back. I give plenty, and I keep to myself; I don't find pleasure in displeasing others, in belittling them or saying something I wouldn't say in front of them. But not everyone gives as much as you're willing, so no need to change others, just let them be and hang out with people who resembles more your style, your way of life, and meet your demands and need. It isn't fair that we've been through all the things we've been through but I never give up on mine. I can count the times I had a conversation with anyone of them, but with some other cousins, I spend plenty of time. Don't get me wrong, but we're different people. And if you need to apologize and make good, and see me as the bad guy, well I won't be calling people up to rectify things with them, I don't have any interest invested in them. I wish them well, and I'll be pleasant around them as usual, I see people, I don't judge them but that doesn't make them innocent either. They're half angels, and half demons; if you pick their demonic side, it'll bite you. The most primal part of the brain, like a walnut, sits at the bottom of the brain. It's the most primitive part. It processes raw emotions such as anger and jealousy, and it's in charge of our fight/flight mechanism, and basic functions like breathing and sweating. The mid-brain is the emotional one, in the middle, at the center. On top, it sits reason, the frontal lobe, what makes us human.
From my stance, it's normal I'd sit at the family table and talk to a cousin of mine about a few things, but I'm not gonna engage his girlfriend the minute he turns his back and talk bad about him. Of course, I was speaking of you to family, but she was saying something about mine. I listened and didn't do anything rash, the anger built up and I exploded. Who loses if I win? I lose. Sometimes, losing is the only way to win. Look, I didn't make any big promises, but I want to give her as much space as you wants. And no, I am not the domineering type, but I am dominant. So, I'll always say something if you don't do good on your word but I might just lower the intensity, maybe blog about it. Yeah, blogging has saved my sanity. No, I don't deny some of the responsibility is mine, but it takes two to tango. We all made mistakes, and the bargain says that I made most of them; the deal is, I leave NY and go to her town into the woods and live a sedentary life among simpletons. I'm tempted, I'm tempted; first thing morning, find out if there's Securitas services there or nearby. But I'll see them for sure this weekend.
And yeah, because I haven't been the greatest person in the world either, and we did have problems, and I did complain to a relative or two slightly about it, omitting certain The way you talk about others says a lot about who you are. Believe me, I'm not volunteering anything, everyone to some degree gossips, but you can't tell me my girlfriend estranged girlfriend said something and I'm just gonna sit there and not do anything. I didn't run to her, I went out and had my fun with cousins, an awesome night: I needed that. And then, as soon as Sunday, I picked Esteban up, took him to Queens, the usual. And then, I studied a while, before I launched on a crusade to shake things up.
I've forgiven and forgotten. That's why we can move on from here. I will delete or hide these blogs in a few moments. Let's focus on the other night when I was with cousins and she called me. I loved it, and had a fight about it because she loves it, she's feisty and Irish, but I better ease up on her, she's fragile now.
So, no. It was on Friday that I saw Connie's friend. Immediately, I felt like I could pick his mind but the way in which the guy behaved, left a few minutes after I came in. And according to the bartender, he left without paying. "I thought you guys were friends" the bartender said to me. "No, he's friends with Connie." I didn't tell her how you had taken my bottle of Vodka, none of that, just sat there and drank by beer. A week ago, Marla had asked me if everything was good between us, and I asked Connie if she knew what that was about. So, I connected his reaction with the strange vibe, awkward energy in the place. That place is such a downer, and I was coming for a beer or two, only went in because I saw it was lively and all of her friends were there. They left as soon as I came in. I stand six feet tall, above average built, good looks, witty (hope you noticed) and pretentious enough. No bragging.
The fact is, I was coming from 5 Burros. It was so dead, but I didn't feel like the noisy, overcrowded, loud music playing next door bar, and so I sat there and had two frozen strawberry margaritas. Before I got there, I had gone to have a beer or two at Turtle Bay, before all the horny twenty-something year-old teenagers, who love getting wasted with cheap booze from early on. But by the time I get off work, it's midnight.How little attention I pay to paragraph construction, these diaries are more visceral, less thought. How awesome it has been this time alone, aside from the misery of not seeing my son, as if that were nothing, the city and the weather, and family and friends have been there for me. I don't bore them with our issues, but we have had fun.
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