In order to whip me into submission, she sent a message on facebook having taken pictures of a mess I had on the kitchen. Yeah, there was a mess, and now she claims to find incriminating photos of how unfit a parent I am. Look, I shot back, I'm not trying to take our son away from you, but you are. Look, the least bit of decency, instead she seeks to bring me down by hitting way below the belt. I am a human being, and I miss my son, and what you are doing is wrong. Yes, I may have been wrong and we never shared the same point of view, but nothing I've done -except perhaps, having not pursue you as I had initially. I want to. But I don't. In principle, you don't reward bad behavior. And it's not punishment, just a way of showing tit for tat, quid pro quo. You do as you wish others would do unto you. Why all of a sudden she's threatening me with pictures of things I've been since day one; why is it that she thinks, that she'd bully me into submission.
She appears out of nowhere, I see there's a note on the table atop a pile of divorce papers. Hint, hint. I had looked for those and maybe weeks ago, even a few days before, I would've jumped on my feet and run like a dog, not really, no. I've taken a lot of crap I haven't expected of you; I'm not out to destroy you. All I want is for you to understand that I need contact with my son. You had sent pics and then stopped. All of a sudden you stop, you don't answer, you appear here the same way you left shrouded in doubt and smelling funny things. I love your paranoia and your neurosis, and we all agreed at a reunion you have horrible taste. But you had many strengths. I know you're hurt; this isn't you. If you think that by destroying me you'll find satisfaction, you forget how that will impact Julian's life. Remember how he is o has been with me, how much he loves me, he must miss me terribly and all I ask is to have a peep at video chat with him, use your laptop so that he sees my face. I'm not asking for a lot, and I will have all of this as evidence as to how my mind worked around these moments. You have here a home, and a man who may have been wrong, but always loved you. I never hit you; I never cheated on you. I didn't even get mad when you first told me you spend time with an ex at the bar, and immediately went down on me, as if I was going to let that one slide. Okay, no more, you don't want a guy who asks why or anything, then get a girl. I'll do the same.
I'm saying, your friends aren't angels, no one is; and if we had it good for a while it's because we kept to ourselves. If you bring family and friends too often, they meddle. People shouldn't meddle. They should, ideally, mind their own business and offer a sympathetic ear, but let people make their mind about it. People who advise you are not much better than you, so why follow their advise? I'd rather make my own mistakes and I will own them; I'm not afraid of erring, we should demand as much as we give. Taking calculated risks in life, growing as a person, taking on a challenge, starting a new shouldn't scare you. Don't follow a script though, and always choose love, not fear. Have the courage to love. Don't be such a pussy. You come here, the door is open, I won't recriminate you anything, we can build something; if you don't want me, then let me be. But don't shut me out of Julian's life.
It wouldn't be fair. He's as much mine as yours, and I love him just the same; I am his dad and he needs me in his life. I don't hate you; you know that. But I can only move in one direction.
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