Look, you treat me and say you fear me but you act like someone who wants desperately to be hated. I tell you right now, I don't have time for that crap. Oh so the reason you leave is because life with is was intolerable, not because life is easier for you with the support of relatives, a large house, all the warmth and love you get there, not what we have here. Maybe both of us are right: a little bit of both. You hated here and you thought it best over there; what's the need to badmouth me to your friends? I remember you saying in the beginning of the relationship that we needed to keep things quiet if the relationship didn't work out. It's called discretion. No one owes us anything except discretion, why bring more people into our own drama? How would you feel if I trashed you to relatives and friends in common? How would I look? Look, people know who talks shit and who doesn't. Yeah, I told Alan you were pregnant as soon as I found out and he never told anyone. I needed to vent, and it's not like I spend my time moping around. I do feel once in a while throughout the course of the day all of a sudden deeply saddened by the fact that I'm missing him grow, but most of the time I live it up quietly, spend time doing what comes naturally to me, and you now say that I am what I always was next to you: a workaholic bum. But I keep things to myself.
Yeah, I may say something to someone who never speaks, and no one else. I keep my shit tight, and I know a lot of shit you told me yourself about people in your life, like your friend the porn star, because you've told several people, including your parents, your closest friends, and this adult industry girl who has gone from relationship to relationship until she chases away anything else than a double life. Is this the girl that you listen to and talk about. She even deleted me, as if it meant anything; I gave you your friends back so that you could go ahead and let me see that this is not about you but Julian and then you. I saw you initially as the person who had separated me from my son, and yes, you've taken him away from me. You say it's unhealthy here, but you were the one who was keeping food and garbage in the same compartment, and you know the baby senses that, I told you many times. First time parents, it happened to me too, and having a son on the spectrum, I am extra careful, almost overprotective. So, I understand that I may have ridden you a little harder, but I never hit you like you have had on several occasions, and I only laughed at that. Because, for an Irish, you hit like a girl.
Whatever your case against may be, I release you from your contract. No need to kiss your ass so that you could send me a few pictures. Some days, you do and some you don't; you said I had dropped out of nowhere to demand seeing him on video chat, Tango. But I had waited the whole morning, and you said he slept till noon and then claimed you were not just gonna let me see him all of a sudden, "It doesn't work that way." With the same attitude you deploy while singing to the top of your lungs your favorite karaoke song, don't know the name but it includes the line: "Hit me with your best shot!" They know you at the bar and even tease you saying several times: "Oh, really?" because when you get drunk, you get confrontational, talkative, creepily friendly, don't want to go home and we fought initially until I wised up and just avoided going to the bar and drink. If you were drinking, I'd keep it cool, maybe have a few beers, that's it. Just to see you unravel, it's fascinating, really, you don't see it yourself but you become an idiot. I mean, it's not like you're the most brilliant girl to begin with, then your worst nature surfaces and you become... a monster.
The most important thing is, the monster doesn't know that it's a monster. Talk to all sides, and they all think they're right. No one ever considers being wrong. I know I've made mistakes but these never meant I should sacrifice myself and not see my son indefinitely, but we'll see how things go. It's actually, refreshing, he's still so young and beautiful. We made him. I love him so much. Take good care of him.
Well, look, you used to worship me, and things were really cool for a while, and I never meant for you to stay over there. But be it, it's not the end of the world, we'll see new perspectives, they'll emerge from the crumbles and leftovers. We just need to make space for new things to happen, and we start by first getting rid of some old stuff in our baggage. Look, I don't hate you; you have a home here if you ever decide to visit or drop by. No one but me lives here, and I intend to keep it that way at least for a month or two. I need to put my focus on the Fire Safety course I'm taking. My job depends on it, it's a big challenge, there'll be time for seeing you guys. I've missed you both very much and I am each passing day a little less angry. I want to do things from now on without letting anger decide for me; simply, I won't take decisions when angry. We all get pissed off, no escaping that, but at least we should have the common sense to know that anger isn't wise, it's our primal self, the reptilian brain. We need to let our better selves triumph over these issues, not act like a chicken without a head, and yeah I've seen the baby pics and I've loved them all. Videos... well, I see he still hasn't warmed up to you, he cries in every single one of them.
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